Friday, October 24, 2008

Datuk Shah part III

The Star 24th October
Page N8.

The STAR reported that SRK will be conferred a datukship next Wednesday( 29th October) according to Melaka CM Ali Rustam.The event will be held at Seri Negeri and will be live telecast at 10.00 pm.
Ali also hoped that Datuk Shah will stay a few days in Melaka and will visit the Taming Seri Tower,Eye on Malaysia ferris wheel and other attractions.

Ali said: "Despite the criticisms,I still believe SRK deserves the title".

So all Bollywood fans( VVIPs and commoners alike) make sure your diary for Wednesday is free. Make sure you come to Melaka to see 'kera di hutan disusukan'.

Yes, Datin-Datin pull out your best dress for the occassion.Don't worry about your Datuk. He's more than happy if you attend the ceremony,at least he will have the night for himself without you looking over his shoulders.

Datin-Datin are encourage to make a beeline along the Seri Negeri road to wave flags for the new Datuk Shah.It will be a glittering night to remember. And datins, do cross your fingers and do hope Datuk Shah will kiss your over powdered Botox enhanced cheeks. Don't worry, the ass grabbing Datuk will not be in Melaka that night.

Apparently Ali is brushing up his rusty Urdu to impress Datuk Shah. No wonder I see many balacis making their appearance in Nasi Kandaq Subaidah near MITC talking in broken Urdu Hindu Tamil and Farsi making the imported waiters bewildered.

And kurtas in Little India is selling like hot vades with many Pemuda and Putera snatching kurtas right under their MIC counterparts noses making those boutique owners confused for they thought the Pemuda and Puteras are celebrating Divali like their MIC brethens.

And I see many Nepalese workers and Indian workers in the nearby chicken farm looking dejected in Durian Tunggal. I asked one Lal Bahadur why? His response: " Doktor...isekarang itu Shah Rukh mau dapat itu datuk. Saya suda sini kirja 5 tahun apa pun tara dapat. Saya sini kirja satu hari 12 jam, badan sakit-sakit selalu datang jumpa doktor kasi injection,Tapi itu Shah Rukh apa bikin sama Melaka?"

Updates: The datukship conferment is actually on 29th November.The Star reported it here.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Deja Vu

Salam to all.

Déjà vu:
"already seen"; also called "paramnesia," from Greek παρα "para," "near" + μνήμη "mnēmē," "memory") is the experience of feeling sure that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously (an individual feels as though an event has already happened or has happened in the near past).

KUALA LUMPUR, Oct 21 — Finance Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak said today the government will borrow RM5 billion from the Employees Provident Fund to fund government investment agency Valuecap Sdn Bhd.

"It's not part of the Consolidated Fund. It's a loan from EPF," said Najib.

The Deputy Prime Minister pointed out that the loan would not be part of the Budget 2009 allocations for spending announced last month.

Yesterday, Najib announced a host of measures to boost the economy and protect Malaysia from the effects of the global financial turmoil
.


Reading this I can't help having the deja vuic situation. EPF funds being used again for another (?)bailout. Seems like it happened yesterday.Anyway that yesterday was about 10 years ago.
Apparently its the Rakyats' money that is needed to save whatever needed to be saved, except the rakyats' souls.

Bakaq Penarik Beca summed up my feelings on this matter:

Amboi, bila kita nak pakai sikit duit kita dalam KWSP, kena mengemis macam peminta sedekah. Kadang-kadang pelbagai karenah menyebabkan kita rasa kita ni macam kucing kurap walaupun nak minta duit sendiri. Depa senang-senang boleh tibai RM5 bilion untuk bail-out saham-saham terkincit nilai. Hampa nak kata apa?!! Depa ada kuasa. Hidup kuasa!!

Tokasid nak tanya : Adakah dari segi undang-undang wang simpanan rakyat didalam EPF bleh di gunakan tanpa izin pencarum-pencarum?

Monday, October 20, 2008

Nujum Pa' Blalang

Salam buat semua.

Ingat tak film Nujum Pa' Blalang? Alah...yang P.Ramlee jadi Pa' Blalang dan Bat Latiff jadi Blalang tuu....Tak ingat lagi? Alah yang Pa' Blalang auta Sultan sampai dapat tuan Puteri jadi Ma' Blalang tuu....tak ingat jugak? Alahai...awat la samdol sangat nih?

Okay...... ingat tak teka teki mana itik jantan mana itik betina? Atau Blalang guna abu pungkoq belanga untuk buat 'kopi' jamu rombongan Tok Penghulu?Tak ingat jugak?

Yang ni mesti ingat punya: Ajiz dan Sudin jadi penyamun dan dok membahagi harta samun mereka. Eleh...yang satu untuk kau satu untuk aku tu....Ingat? Ha...ingat pun hangpa no.

Andaikata....anda yang kata, bukan aku yang kata, Nujum Pa' Blalang di buat di tahun ini bagaimana agaknya dialog Penyamun 1 dan Penyamun 2?

Penyamun1: Eh, kau tau ka sekarang ni rezeki kita banyak murah daa...

Penyamun 2: Iya daa...untung jugak bila ada jawatan besar-besar ni. Orang tak berani ganggu kita daa....

Penyamun 1: Itu lah aku cakap. Tumpang tengah ada kuasa ni kita kena pandai lah nak buat apa yang patut.

Penyamun 2: Eh apa da kau ni...membebel saja.Elok kita bahagikan harta-harta ni.

Penyamun 1: Ya tak ye jugak daa....aku punya syok sampai lupa nak bahagi-bahagikan daa...Jangan marah daa....

Penyamun 1: Okay aku mula. Ini kapal selam untuk kau ini helikopter untuk aku.

Penyamun 2: Bagus..bagus...aku setuju.

Penyamun: Ini jambatan kedua untuk aku ,itu jambatan bengkok untuk kau.

Penyamun 2: Eh...eh...mana boleh itu macam daa....apasal kau kasi sama aku jambatan bengkok yang sudah batal daa...mana adil.

Penyamun 1: Ya ka? Aku sudah lupa itu jambatan sudah batal daa....Sapa kasi batal eh? Bahlol betul kasi batal kalu tak aku boleh sebat juga....

Penyamun 2: Eh cepat sikit daa....

Penyamun 1: Iya lah....Satu koridor untuk kau dua korridor untuk aku....

Penyamun 2: Eh apa daa...kau dapat 2 koridor aku dapat satu. Ini tak adil.

Pemyamun 1: Aku ambil dua sebab nak kasi kau senang kerja. kau sapu satu saja koridor aku lagi teruk kena sapu dua tau ka? Itu banyak kerja dan masa tau.....

Barang siapa yang mahu menambah sebarang scenario atau dialog di persilakan tetapi mesti dalam kisah nujum Pa' Blalang saja. Skrip terbaik akan di jadikan film terbaru keluaran M-No Production bertajuk nujum Pa' Bedul.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Terkenang semasa dulu 13 aka Kerpomovic's tag.

Salam to all.

I was toying with the Astro remote control tonight after watching Ang Lee's Sense and Sensibility.
Pressing buttons here and there and there was the wrestling programme WWE. And I remember Ahmad Kerpomovic had sort of tagged me about some 15 whatever about oneself.And I started to think,really think about myself. Is there anything special or interesting about myself? Is there any trademark that made friends remember about me or associate it with me.

I dunno,for I personally think I'm just a plain and sometimes boring guy( well to some its boring all the way).I'm not trying to be 'merendah diri' or what here. Its just that I think I am not an interesting guy who will not get any datukship even from Melaka or Ethopia or Eritrea.

Anyway, here are 15 facts about me. So Kerpov. I am a sport huh!

1- Born in the year of the Tiger in the month of the Ram. Unfortunately I didn't have any stripes like the Pak Belang nor horns like the Ram. But I do keep a goatee. Its just to follow Sunnah Nabi and not sunnah Ram.

2-I don't know if my father follow the fung shui or what, for he enrolled me into a tiger school(King Edward VII). I would like to think its because I was born in the year of the Tiger but my younger brother who was brn in some other animals year also went to tiger school.

3-Mak and Tok told me I broke my nose when I was very-very tiny.

4- When I was a toddler Bapak and Mak rented a house in Kg Datuk Kramat,KL circa1962.Bapak was attached to a camp nearby most probably at Jalan Padang Tembak. One day a neighbour held a wedding kenduri. That night there were kompangs and marhaban and singing at the neighbour's. And Mak said I cried and cried and cried and she can't make me stop. Finally the bapak and mak pengantin ask all the kompangs and marhabans and singing to stop.Only then did I stop my crying and went t sleep.So I was a kacau daun baby. Even though Mak was telling the truth about that incident,I still refuse to believe. Takkan aku lagu tu kot!!

5-We had 2 bicycles . One for Bapak to cycle to Kem Angkut in Kemunting and another was Mak's which she cycles to school( Sekolah Rendah Assam Kumbang). Despite having 2 gherek I only learned cycling in standard 5 after the Peperiksaan Penilaian Darjah Lima. But I was not allowed to cycle to Taiping. Only when I was in Form 1 was I allowed to LSS in Aulong for the morning co-curriculum( I know of one doctor in Kota Samarahan who would say kau korekkulum. Aik mamat!! Kau tak ngaku pulak eh?). I was grounded for several offences. One was when a friend came up with a brilliant idea to make a 'police siren". We would attached a 'pot susu' with a 'tali guni' to the free wheel of the bicycle. The 'bunyi siren' it made was sweet and melodious to us kid but it sure made adults popped out their eyes and most probably made their 'taik telinga menggelegak' too. Another one was when I rode really fast,once .No, not to emulate any Malaysian cyclist of that time, but to impress a beautiful girl in our lorong.

6-My first 'tengok wayang' movie in a real cinema was for the film Haathi Mere Saathi.Maybe I was in standard 3 or 4. No, I didn't go with Bapak or Mak. Bapak never went to movies. It just happened when Haathi Mere Saathi was screened in Taiping, a cousin and her family came. Her husband borrowed Bapak's gherek and took me to 'tengok wayang Hindustan' and Taiping's Lido. It was a box office and we couldn't get any tickets. Finally cousin's hubby manage to get a black market ticket from some 'ulaq ayaq' at RM 2.00(for a 3rd class ticket which actually cost 40 cents. We got the frontmost row which was about 10 feet from the screen. I had to sit on the floor coz we only got 1 ticket. several hours later, we came out with a sore neck.

7-In 1974 Mak's friends from Sekolah Kebangsaan Sungai Kepar(Semanggol) with some Belia group organised a Malam Amal. They invited Ahmad Daud,Sa'adiah,Rose Iskandar and her uncle a comedian who looks like Alias Congo( I can't remember his stage name). When these entertainers arrived they we brought to Che'gu Zainal's place. His wife Che'gu Che Amah requested Mak to help out with the cooking and keeping Ahmad Daud and Co company.
There was a jackfruit(nangka) tree behind the huse and a jackfuit was already ripe. You can smell the sweet aroma when passing by the tree. Che'gu Zainal wanted to pick the fruit. I volunteered to climb with a knife in hand. After cutting off the buah nangka and carefully dropping it down, I started to climb down. Haf way( maybe about 6 feet from the ground) I threw the knife and the blade went just nicely down piercing and getting stuck t the ground. Without thinking I just down. When I was getting to my selipar Jepun, Ahmad Daud noticed my right sole bleeding. True enough. About 6 cm of my sole was gapping wide open and blod was spurting.There was no pain. Che'gu Zainal drove me to Taiping hospital and got the wound sticthed up. That night,I was not allowed the pleasure of watching Ahmad Daud,Sa'adiah and Rose Iskandar perform. And I'm still carrying the scar. And since that day a became afraid of heights( gayat le...)

8-Here's a confession. I can't swim. Unlike Mat Salo who represented Perak in MSSM. But like any other kids in those days, I like water very much. Bapak and Mak used to take us kids a a stream near Zoo Taiping to have a family picnic(sometime 2-3 families with our neighbours tagging along).Well take he bus from Kg Pinang to Taiping Bus Stand and then walk for about 2 miles to the Lake garden carrying plates and utensils and towels and 'seluaq mandi'(which is actually our PE shorts) and tikar mengkuang.Bapak would cycle with the nasi lemak and sambal tumis telor. The stream was only knee deep in those days(now its ankle deep) and Bapak was there to watch over us. Its a controlled envirnment.

When I was in Standard 5, I did one foolish thing. Me and my 2 brothers and 2 other friends when to our usual fringe jungle nearby. Beyond the jungle were several mining pools. Since the day was really hot, a friend suggested we take a swim in one of the lombong. As kids act on impulse, all of us agreed without even thinking about the dangers of swimming in a lombong( mining pools are different from rivers or the sea.Lombong acts differently. It had the suction action and its beaches are very unsteady). Using a wooden plank left there by some other kids I swam.Both hand holding the plank's edge and and my legs kicking. When the sun starts to set we call it a day and parted ways. Me and my brother headed home with our skin becoming pale, our palms wrinkling and our hairs having withish powdery appearance( you'll have that after mandi lombong). From afar we saw a car within our compound.It had the Penang registration number and I knew it must be someone from Merbok visiting us.O ne of my uncles must have chartered the car(plus driver).

In order to avoid any unpleasantary, we walk quietely to the bathroom.Upon opening the bathroom door(the bathroom was attached to the kitchen) we saw Mak making drinks.And mak saw us. Oh..oh... we're in trouble.
"Hang pa mai mana ni?Ni mesti pi mandi lombong"
"Dak aih mak...kami tak mandi lombong aih...Kami main di rumah Cik Bedah Leman"
"Ohh...sapa ajaq hang muhong ni?Mak tau hang bawa adik-adik hang mandi lombong. Kalua dak tak kan kulit hangpa kecut lesi sampai pucat.Bijik mata merah rambut sampai naik putih?"
"Dak mak..."
"Ooo...hang tak mau mengaku noo...Tu di depan tu. Tok Nah ngan Pak Ngah Aji Man mai nak tengok hangpa, tau-tau hangpa hilang pi mabdi lombong noo..."
"Dak aih mak...sungguh kami tak mandi lombong"
"Hang jaga .Hang tunggu situ jangan dok pi mana.Mak nak hantaq ayaq kopi kat Tok hang. Satgi hangpa muleh laa...."

Then Mak came back to us. She snaped a branch of Jambu Air and gave us 3 kids a chase. And we 3 kids with our Mak ran around the house like a 4x 400 relay race. Each of us got several strokes( of couse I got the most...dah abang kan...) Those stroke were because I tried lying to Mak.

9-Here's another confession. Form the second term of Form 1, I was admitted into Sultan Abdul Hamid College(SAHC/KSAH).Since there were no vacancy in the hostel I was taken in by my aunt, Makcik Jah who was then staying in Kg Gunung Keriang. Bapak stayed on for a few days until all were settled and he had to go back to Taiping. The first night without Bapak, I cried in bed. Really cried. In 1975, we didn't have phones yet.All communication are by the snail mail.
The next day I became normal and no more crying. Betulll....percaya lah.

10-At the foot of Gunung Keriang there is a huge mata air(spring). The water is fresh and cold and it never dries even during the drought seasons of March-June in northern Kedah. Almost daily me and few friends in Kg Gunung Keriang will take our bath at this spring. At the foot of Gunung Keriang there was a quarry(the blasted 3-4 times a week) and there were many huge rocks around which were left. Between these huge rocks were instant open air lavatories or open air jamban. Boys and men will look for unoccupied jambans to get off their turds. If one if not careful, one might step on recently used jambans.
Since I was staying in Gunung Keriang I have to do what the Keriangans did.
I don't do that anymore,okay!!

11-I like to talk and talk and talk. And I like to listen to people talking. I get lots of info when talking( not talking alone lah) and listening. And when there is no one to talk too...tidur lagi baik. Dak ka?

12- Another confession. I like reading when sitting on the loo. Hah3...sudah banyak buku dan novels selesai di khatam dalam jamban daa....Kalau tak ada buku...IC pun boleh di baca dan di ulang kaji.

13-Started to listen to Western songs and music only my varsity days. Thank you Raja Amin,Zain Azlan, Rosli Ibrahim.

14- Belajaq isap rokok di Universiti Malaya. Masa sekolah dulu cek budak baik. Tak pernah isap rokok pun di hostel.

15-When sleeping : ada air menggelagak or babi lemas. Go figure it out!

So,Ahmad Kerpomovic I had finally responded to your tagging.
Now I will tag......who ever that is willing to share part of their lives with us.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Terkenang semasa dulu 12: Puasa sekolah rendah

Ramadhan 1973.
Darjah 5.
Kemunting ,Taiping.

Sejak tadika Mak dan Bapak dan ajar kami anak-anak berpuasa. Mula-mula sekerat hari. Lepas tu sampai jam 3, 4 dan akhirnya sampai lengkap sehari.

Selalunya dalam darjah 2-3 kami dah boleh ber'posa' sepanjang hari.

Dah menjadi adat budak lelaki sekolah rendah. Berpuasa ka tak berpuasa mana boleh dok diam. Dalam dok berposa kami 'hero-hero' lorong Bakaq Sampah dan lorong 10 Kpg Pinang akan terus dengan aktiviti permainan kami. Termasuk main bolasepak.

Aku masih ingat dengan jelas, bagaimana di sebabkan main bolasepak aku telah 'mencilok' puasa dan kemudian membuat muka 'steben' bila balik ke rumah.

Hari tu hari Sabtu. Kapten pasukan The Red Lion(TRL) dah buat arrangement nak lawan dengan team dari Kpg Jana di Padang SK Long Jaafar.Pagi tu ketika bermain-main kapten TRL, Zetzet bagitau: "Ni sat lagi pukoi 12 kita ada lawan bola dengan budak-budak Kpg Jana.Kita kena pi tau".

Lebih kurang jam 11.30 pagi kami beramai-ramai menapak ke SK Long Jaafar yang terletak di Kpg Jana.Lebih kurang 2 km dari larong kami di Kpg Pinang. Bila di sana budak-budak Kpg Jana ada yang dah sampai.

Di sebabkan kedua-dua team tak cukup pemain dan tiada pula pemain import pada zaman itu, kami mengambil keputusan bermain bolasepak dan bukan perlawanan bolasepak. Jadi teramatlah sakan budak-budak sekolah rendah main bola sampai hilang ingatan bahawa ketika itu adalah bulan puasa. Lebih kurang 1.30 tengahari masing-masing letih.Badan berpeluh sakan dan tekak memang dahaga yang amat amat sangat. Kalau masa tu ada apek jual aiskerim(berbasikal) lalu di situ alangkah eloknya.Atau kalau makcik yang jual ais kepal dan aih kacang(ABC) buka alangkah enaknya dapat menghisap sirap yang di tuang di atas aih kepai.
Atau jika dapat minum sebotol ayaq lemnet berperisa aiskrim soda atau sasparilla.


Tapi semua itu tak ada di tengahari bulan puasa. Jadi di tengah rembang itu kami menapak pulang. Lebih kurang 100m dari pintu pagar SK Long Jaafar terdapat sebuah paip atau pili awam di tepi jalan besar Kpg Jana.Kepala paipnya besar dan airnya laju. Di sebabkan hari yang panas ada antara kami mengambil keputusan untuk membasuh kepala dan badan di paip air tersebut. Aku letakan kepala di bawah paip dan membiarkan air deras yang sejuk dan nyaman membasahi rambut dan kepala.Aduh enak rasanya ketika itu.

Dalam membasahkan kepala dan muka, aku dengan sengaja 'terminum' air paip beberapa teguk sehingga hilang dahaga dan terasa segar semula.Kalau di ajak main bola semula ketika itu memang aku no problem.
Aku rasa ada kawan-kawan lain yang 'terminum' jugak.Tapi kami masing-masing menafikannya bila di tanya.

Bila sampai di rumah, aku terpaksa berlakun letih. Aku berjalan longlai dan berbaring di pangkin di bawah pokok di tepi rumah. Memang nampak letih. Mak dan adik Nizah di dapur membuat persediaan untuk berbuka puasa.Aku tahu nanti jam 5 petang aku akan di suruh ke kedai membeli aih batu.

Bila mak tanya kemana aku dengan adik-adik tadi aku beritahu kami pergi main bola.Bila mak tanya samada aku ada minum air aku nafikan dan beritau mak yang aku masih puasa.

Seingat aku itu lah sekali aku ponteng puasa dan berlakun berpuasa.

Bila berbuka puasa memang minuman sejuk berais menjadi kegemaran semua.Apalagi jika berpuasa di musim panas atau kemarau.

Semasa sekolah rendah, rumah kami tiada peti ais. Gaji Bapak dan Mak tak mampu untuk kami berpeti ais. Jadi untuk berbuka puasa dengan minuman berais, selalunya menjadi tugas aku untuk membeli aih ketoi di kedai runcit Pokcik Mat Kelantan.

Aih ketoi adalah bongkah-bongkah ketulan ais yang di tutupi dengan karung guni.Jika sesiapa hendak membeli Pokcik Mat Kelantan akan bertanya :" Mu nok berapo kettul awe?"
"Saya nak seketoi saya pakcik:

Dia kemudian akan mengergaji bongkah ais mengikut saiz. Kemudian bahagian yang telah di gergajikan akan di tabur dengan habuk kayu(sawdust) dan di bungkus dalam keratan suratkhabar dan di ikat dengan tali rafia. Serbuk kayu katanya untuk mengurangkan kadar kecairan ais ketul. Bila iah ketoi berada di tangan terpaksalah berlari pulang atau mengayuh basikal cepat-cepat . Masa ni tak boleh nak singgah bersembang dengan kawan-kawan atau nak singgah bermain guli atau getah kerana bimbang ias akan cair kesemuanya.

Dengan iah ketul mak akan buat air sirap atau air bandung yang amat kami nanti-nantikan.Atau kadang-kadang cuma air kosong tetapi berais,itu pun sudah cukup lazat bagi kami adik beradik.