Datuk Shah part III

The Star 24th October
Page N8.

The STAR reported that SRK will be conferred a datukship next Wednesday( 29th October) according to Melaka CM Ali Rustam.The event will be held at Seri Negeri and will be live telecast at 10.00 pm.
Ali also hoped that Datuk Shah will stay a few days in Melaka and will visit the Taming Seri Tower,Eye on Malaysia ferris wheel and other attractions.

Ali said: "Despite the criticisms,I still believe SRK deserves the title".

So all Bollywood fans( VVIPs and commoners alike) make sure your diary for Wednesday is free. Make sure you come to Melaka to see 'kera di hutan disusukan'.

Yes, Datin-Datin pull out your best dress for the occassion.Don't worry about your Datuk. He's more than happy if you attend the ceremony,at least he will have the night for himself without you looking over his shoulders.

Datin-Datin are encourage to make a beeline along the Seri Negeri road to wave flags for the new Datuk Shah.It will be a glittering night to remember. And datins, do cross your fingers and do hope Datuk Shah will kiss your over powdered Botox enhanced cheeks. Don't worry, the ass grabbing Datuk will not be in Melaka that night.

Apparently Ali is brushing up his rusty Urdu to impress Datuk Shah. No wonder I see many balacis making their appearance in Nasi Kandaq Subaidah near MITC talking in broken Urdu Hindu Tamil and Farsi making the imported waiters bewildered.

And kurtas in Little India is selling like hot vades with many Pemuda and Putera snatching kurtas right under their MIC counterparts noses making those boutique owners confused for they thought the Pemuda and Puteras are celebrating Divali like their MIC brethens.

And I see many Nepalese workers and Indian workers in the nearby chicken farm looking dejected in Durian Tunggal. I asked one Lal Bahadur why? His response: " Doktor...isekarang itu Shah Rukh mau dapat itu datuk. Saya suda sini kirja 5 tahun apa pun tara dapat. Saya sini kirja satu hari 12 jam, badan sakit-sakit selalu datang jumpa doktor kasi injection,Tapi itu Shah Rukh apa bikin sama Melaka?"

Updates: The datukship conferment is actually on 29th November.The Star reported it here.

Datuk Shah II :controversy

Now this Datuk Shah thingy had become a controversy and exposing the stupidity and idiotic nature of certain groups of leaders in Melaka.

We read in todays news, a statement by CM Ali Rustam: Shah Rukh Khan(SRK) was given the Datukship for his 'effort' in promoting Melaka with his film few years ago which was shot at A Farmosa in Alor Gajah.

Now if that is the reason, what about the other actors and actresses in that particular film? Don't they deserve the datukship too? And the director and producers?

And if you guys remember, Entrapment, starring the legendary Sean Connery and the talented and beautiful catherin Zeta Jones,were shot in Melaka too and that film did well in the box office throuhout the whole world.

This conferment of Datuk to SRK is plain double standard practised by the Melaka state government.

Here are two more conversation that was leaked but not printed by the MSM.

One: a phone conversation between 2 Khans in Mumbai yesterday.

Salman Khan(SK): Helloooo...Shah Rukh. How are you?

SRK: I'm fine. Who is this?

SK: Salman here.

SRK: Salmam? Which Salman? Salmam from Malaysia or Indonesia?

SK: Deiy!! Salman Khan here.Your greatest rival man.

SRK: Ohh...Salman Khan. You my greatest rival? Hahah...like the Malay saying: jauh panggang dari api.

SK: Whats that? Sounds like some menu. Anyway I want to congratulate you with the datuk thing you got from Melaka.

SRK: Oh,thank you.Actually I don't understand all this Datuk thing . And I don't know why I got it. And I don't think I deserve this.

SL: Actually Shah, I think I deserve it more than you do.

SRK: Why?

SL: Look here... few years ago I was the one on stage kissing the cheek of one soon-to-be First Lady of Malaysia.Not you. It was me. So actually I am the one who should get the Datuk title.

SRK: Whats the big deal of kissing some VVIP's wife cheeks? I can kiss more outstanding personalities anywhere. And by kissing here did you contribute anything to Melaka or Malaysia?

SL: Its like this la Shah. When people knew I kiss that lady, I'm sure many foreigners esp from India will want to visit Malaysia with the intention of kissing some Ministers' wives. But now I'm hoping to get a Tan sriship if the VVIP become the next PM of Malaysia. me a Tan Sri and you just a Datuk. Hahaha....I beat you to that.

SRK: Deiy Salman. Don't talk big okay. You see, the [erson who gave me the Datuk is contesting for Deputy President of his party soon. If he wins, he will become the next Deputy PM and he can give me a Tan Sri too. No need for me to kiss some elderly lady who thinks whe is still a teenager.

SL: But you dn't know if he will win or not.right?

SRK: Nothing to worry. Tomorrow I will start shooting a film about his contribution in Melaka and Malaysia.I hpe to rope everything within 2 weeks and will release it in Malaysia by 1st November. This film will make him a clear winner.I know Malysian UMNO will love this guy coz I'm playing him.


Two: New York press conference with Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta Jones.

Press: Mr Connery and Miss Jones. We want your reaction about the Melaka state govt conferring Datukship to the Bollywood hearthrob Shah Rukh Khan.

SC: What about it?

CZJ: Yeah what about it?

Press: The Melaka Chief Minister, Datuk Ali Rustam said, STK was given the title Datuk is for his contribution in promoting Melaka to the world especially India.

SC: How did he do it?

Press: Well the film he made in Melaka was a hit in India so the Melaka CM said it made many Indians visit Melaka.

CZJ: What is a Datuk actually?And are you sure the Indians went there for a tour? I heard they went to Melaka to work in the Nasi Kandar restaurants there.

Press: Its a title given by the govt to certain individuals. But when I look up the English-Malay dictionary it actually meant Grandfather.

SC: Oh, so this Khan made a film in Melaka and he got the Granfather title? I wouldn't want that title even if they beg me. Anyway, Miss Jones, we to made a film in Melaka right?

CZJ: Yeah...it was the Entrapment. I remember Melaka with its filthy river.

Press: So you guys don't feel bad not getting the datuk?

SC: Why should I? I was offered the lordship with the title Sir by Great Britain, and I decline it.

CZJ: Yeah, why should we? And who is this Ali the CM ? I nly know their Primiere the one many Malysian called Sleepy Flip-flop.Whatever that means.

SC: Okay guys,that will be all.

Datuk Shah

Malacca's latest glamourous Datuk: The Khan

Its been a month since I last wrote something in this blog. Some thought its due to Ramadhan. Some thought I had some terrible ilness. Some thought I was busy( hahaha....). Some thought I went off for some holiday or umrah. Maybe some might think " Dia ni pi kawin sorang lagi kot??"

The truth : I became plain lazy after my streamyx became very slow.Much slower than a sleepy tortoise. Then there was another glitch m my PC at home cannot detect my router( only after Hari Raya Hafiz made the connection directly via the modem not the router we are able t use the PC.But we can't have the wireless for our notebook. Need to buy another router it seems) and I became tired listening and reading and watching the ding-dongs of our political beasts. Initially I thought I won't write for a week.Then it became 2 weeks.Not its almost 2 months.

I did make a few draft during Ramadhan.Most are for the Terkenang semasa dulu slot.

But a sms from my sahabat made me write this pieee . Its a bit rusty and might not have any punchline.If you need good punchlines, our dear Che'gu KTN is the best.

Few nights ago at 1.00 am, three guy were having teh-tarik and roti Naan at a Nasi Kandar oulet in Melaka.All three were using shades to hide their identities.

That night, there were a large number of people there especially the white-shirted Pemuda guys looking tense after debating fiercely whom to nominate for the Pemuda chief post.

Several waiters(imported from Chennai) immediately knew one of those 3 guys with shades at 1.00am.

Wiater 1: Bacha! Dey...look,look...(pointing his finger to the 3 guys)

Waiter 2: What? Yenne....

Waiter 1: Shah rukh Khan laa....Shah Rukh Khan come here laa....

Waiter 2: Yes...you are right.Lets go and greet him.And we can tell ur folks in Chennai we met the Khan.

The three guys have taken a table for themselve at the far end of the Nasi Kandar outlet and when they saw the 2 waiters approaching them they make a stop signal and indicating they were not to be disturbed.

Chow Yuen Fatt(CYF): Shah! Why you ask the waiters to turn away? Aiya...I very thirsty one mah...

Johnny Depp(JD): Yeah, Ah Fatt is right.I'm thirsty too. They say the teh tarik here is fabuolously delicious.We should call them back.

Shah Rukh Khan(SRK): No...not yet laa guys. See ah...those guys are from India so they will know me.Before you know it everyone will come to us.Lets have some privacy first laa....

JD: Okay you got a point there. So shall we order our drinks then?

SRK: Easy one . I know the captain's number so I'll sms him. What do you want?

CYF: I want a big teh tarik.Tell them I want tea from Darjeeling, not Cameron Highland one. And I want Cheese tosei.

JD: I'll have teh tarik too and 2 pieces of Naan with muttom curry.

SRK: Okay.I'll sms now. Anyway, what are you guys doing here in Melaka?

JD: Oh! Me and Ah Fatt? You see my dear fellow, both of us are filming the 5th instalment of Pirates of Carribeans: The Malacca Bastard. .I'm back as Capt Jack Sparrow and Ah Fatt as Capt Sao Feng. And what are you doing here Shah?

CYF: Eh Shah, you got shooting also ah?

SRK: Actually, I was invited here my The Melaka govt.

JD: Invited? What for?

SRK: Johnny boy...I'm shy to tell you and Ah Fatt laa....

JD: Come on here,be sporting to us Shah.

SRK: Actually the state govt is confering me a datukship for the Govenor's birthday bash this Saturday.

CYF: A what? Datukship? Hey how come you can get so easily one? I've been trying for many years and still nothing.

JD: What's a Datukship? Is it a ship like the ne we use in Pirates?

CYF: No...not that ship Johnny boy. Its actually a title given by a state or royal house to certain individuals during a king's or Sultan's birthday. Or a governor's.

JD: Oh I see. Just like the English giving of their lordship I suppose.

SRK: Yes...its something like that.

JD: Good for you Shah. How did you manage to get it?

CYF: You must have contributed something that benefits Melaka Shah.

SRK: Beats me guys. I am not sure why I will get this datukship. I have never stayed in Melaka. I know no one here. My only contribution is maybe Malaccans like to watch my movies.

JD: Hey!Hold on there. Me and Ah Fatt is also well known in Malaysia.Our Pirate movies was a big hit here.

SRK: Thats what I meant guys.I have done nothing for Melaka. But I heard someone said this: You know why Shahrukh Khan gets the Datuk? Because many in the state government are grateful to SRK.Why? Because most of the Datins like watching SRK's movies.And when they get emotional they don't care what the Datuks do.So most Datuks are grateful for the have ample time to 'roam' around,if you get what I mean".

JD: Hmm...that guy got a point there.Hey Ah Fatt.I think we should go into romantic movies or tearjerkers.Then maybe we can get datukship from Melaka.

CYF:No need la Johnny. ver here in Malaysia if you got money u can buy a datukship.Thats what my Malaysian and Singaporean friends told me. No need to contribute anythingJust give them money and is done for. Shah, did you use money t get the Melaka datukship.

SRK: Deiy!Ah Fatt. Yu think I'm like that ar? That datukship doesn't mean anything to me outside of Malaysia, not even in India!

JD: Maybe we should as Michelle Yeoh how to get datukship.What say you. Hey!What's this funny smell? Someone farted. Hey,Ah Fatt,did you fart?

CYF: Cilaka lu Johnny boy. Not me laa....

JD: Hahaha....I thought its you coz you are Mr Fatt,right?

Wanna some laugh on the same subject? See what Fudzail have for you.