Friday, October 10, 2008

Datuk Shah

Malacca's latest glamourous Datuk: The Khan

Its been a month since I last wrote something in this blog. Some thought its due to Ramadhan. Some thought I had some terrible ilness. Some thought I was busy( hahaha....). Some thought I went off for some holiday or umrah. Maybe some might think " Dia ni pi kawin sorang lagi kot??"

The truth : I became plain lazy after my streamyx became very slow.Much slower than a sleepy tortoise. Then there was another glitch m my PC at home cannot detect my router( only after Hari Raya Hafiz made the connection directly via the modem not the router we are able t use the PC.But we can't have the wireless for our notebook. Need to buy another router it seems) and I became tired listening and reading and watching the ding-dongs of our political beasts. Initially I thought I won't write for a week.Then it became 2 weeks.Not its almost 2 months.

I did make a few draft during Ramadhan.Most are for the Terkenang semasa dulu slot.

But a sms from my sahabat made me write this pieee . Its a bit rusty and might not have any punchline.If you need good punchlines, our dear Che'gu KTN is the best.

Few nights ago at 1.00 am, three guy were having teh-tarik and roti Naan at a Nasi Kandar oulet in Melaka.All three were using shades to hide their identities.

That night, there were a large number of people there especially the white-shirted Pemuda guys looking tense after debating fiercely whom to nominate for the Pemuda chief post.

Several waiters(imported from Chennai) immediately knew one of those 3 guys with shades at 1.00am.

Wiater 1: Bacha! Dey...look,look...(pointing his finger to the 3 guys)

Waiter 2: What? Yenne....

Waiter 1: Shah rukh Khan laa....Shah Rukh Khan come here laa....

Waiter 2: are right.Lets go and greet him.And we can tell ur folks in Chennai we met the Khan.

The three guys have taken a table for themselve at the far end of the Nasi Kandar outlet and when they saw the 2 waiters approaching them they make a stop signal and indicating they were not to be disturbed.

Chow Yuen Fatt(CYF): Shah! Why you ask the waiters to turn away? Aiya...I very thirsty one mah...

Johnny Depp(JD): Yeah, Ah Fatt is right.I'm thirsty too. They say the teh tarik here is fabuolously delicious.We should call them back.

Shah Rukh Khan(SRK): No...not yet laa guys. See ah...those guys are from India so they will know me.Before you know it everyone will come to us.Lets have some privacy first laa....

JD: Okay you got a point there. So shall we order our drinks then?

SRK: Easy one . I know the captain's number so I'll sms him. What do you want?

CYF: I want a big teh tarik.Tell them I want tea from Darjeeling, not Cameron Highland one. And I want Cheese tosei.

JD: I'll have teh tarik too and 2 pieces of Naan with muttom curry.

SRK: Okay.I'll sms now. Anyway, what are you guys doing here in Melaka?

JD: Oh! Me and Ah Fatt? You see my dear fellow, both of us are filming the 5th instalment of Pirates of Carribeans: The Malacca Bastard. .I'm back as Capt Jack Sparrow and Ah Fatt as Capt Sao Feng. And what are you doing here Shah?

CYF: Eh Shah, you got shooting also ah?

SRK: Actually, I was invited here my The Melaka govt.

JD: Invited? What for?

SRK: Johnny boy...I'm shy to tell you and Ah Fatt laa....

JD: Come on here,be sporting to us Shah.

SRK: Actually the state govt is confering me a datukship for the Govenor's birthday bash this Saturday.

CYF: A what? Datukship? Hey how come you can get so easily one? I've been trying for many years and still nothing.

JD: What's a Datukship? Is it a ship like the ne we use in Pirates?

CYF: No...not that ship Johnny boy. Its actually a title given by a state or royal house to certain individuals during a king's or Sultan's birthday. Or a governor's.

JD: Oh I see. Just like the English giving of their lordship I suppose.

SRK: Yes...its something like that.

JD: Good for you Shah. How did you manage to get it?

CYF: You must have contributed something that benefits Melaka Shah.

SRK: Beats me guys. I am not sure why I will get this datukship. I have never stayed in Melaka. I know no one here. My only contribution is maybe Malaccans like to watch my movies.

JD: Hey!Hold on there. Me and Ah Fatt is also well known in Malaysia.Our Pirate movies was a big hit here.

SRK: Thats what I meant guys.I have done nothing for Melaka. But I heard someone said this: You know why Shahrukh Khan gets the Datuk? Because many in the state government are grateful to SRK.Why? Because most of the Datins like watching SRK's movies.And when they get emotional they don't care what the Datuks do.So most Datuks are grateful for the have ample time to 'roam' around,if you get what I mean".

JD: Hmm...that guy got a point there.Hey Ah Fatt.I think we should go into romantic movies or tearjerkers.Then maybe we can get datukship from Melaka.

CYF:No need la Johnny. ver here in Malaysia if you got money u can buy a datukship.Thats what my Malaysian and Singaporean friends told me. No need to contribute anythingJust give them money and is done for. Shah, did you use money t get the Melaka datukship.

SRK: Deiy!Ah Fatt. Yu think I'm like that ar? That datukship doesn't mean anything to me outside of Malaysia, not even in India!

JD: Maybe we should as Michelle Yeoh how to get datukship.What say you. Hey!What's this funny smell? Someone farted. Hey,Ah Fatt,did you fart?

CYF: Cilaka lu Johnny boy. Not me laa....

JD: Hahaha....I thought its you coz you are Mr Fatt,right?

Wanna some laugh on the same subject? See what Fudzail have for you.


Kerp (Ph.D) said...

doc, i would love to believe the last reason given but akak may stop you from hanging around with this kerp fella for good...hahaha...anyway, welcome back!

btw, this latest awardship thing is making a mockery of its exclusivity. but then again nothing new there. no disrespect to this shahrukh fella but what contribution has he done to the state that has brought any benefits to the melacca folks as a whole? just as you stressed out doc, i'm sure this datukship came as a surprise to shahrukh himself. another classic example of sheer stupidity from the state gomen.

banyak lagi hero2 negara yang pernah berjuang patut dapat segala pingat tapi tak, they are easily forgotten. why? bcos they cant keep the datins entertained, that why la kot. cehhhhhhhhhh...

Zawi said...

After having a good laugh at Fudzails dig on the SRK's datukship award, I get another laugh at your own take. Poor Melaka. It will be the laughing stock for all Malaysians for sometimes to come. Rather unfortunate for a state with a history of s Sultanate that is now being occupied by a donkey acting as one.

cakapaje said...

Salam Doc,

Aisehman! Why lar...? I mean, the ori Shah Rir Khan never gets any title, but some foreign wannabe dapat...this is no fair!

Kata Tak Nak said...

Never mind lar, next year they will give it to Nazir Khan pulak.

tokasid said...

Ahmad Kerpomovic:

Thanks bro.

Someone leak to me about next years's birthday bash:Asia Carerra and the late John Holmes will get datukship too.
Go figure out bro!

tokasid said...

Pak Zawi:

Yes I have read Fudzail's take on the subject and can't agree more with him.

Melaka is actually in a bad state. The recent RM1.5 million Botanical Park fiasco is the latest. IIt was formerly called Hutan Rekreasi Ayer Keroh where many went for an evening jog or walk(me included).Then some shitheaded guy got a bright idea to 'beautify' the place and up went 2 fake waterfalls and ornamental plants were planted within the forest reserve. A big area was cleared to make a bussiness centre(with meeting rooms) and carpark. And there's another project in progress which many are unaware of. Behid the Botanical park they(whoever they are) are building a waterpark. basically the forest reserve is half its original size now( huge parts were taken for PLKN camp and the Kompleks kastam.And part of the Pintu Gerbang R&R).
And can someone say there is no kickbacks?

And pak, there is one timbalan presiden candidate who is being investigated by the BPR in some airport thing. Wink!Wink!

tokasid said...

Salam Datuk Shah Rir Khan.

Not to worry, if you play your cards right you'll get a tansriship but it will not be from Melaka. Maybe TamilNaidu will give you the honour.

tokasid said...

Datuk Wira Nazir Khan:
There is plan that next year to give several local Khan( you are one of them) the Datukship. Next year the foreigners will be Asia carerra and the late John Holmes.

Akmal said...

Laughingstock for several coming years, I assume Malacca will be.
I mean, come on la...
Nampaknya pengaruh hindustan kat Malaysia dah sampai ke tahap 'ini'?
Dapat datukship?
Anyway, welcome back :)

Mior Azhar said...


Salam Aidil Fitri... I could not put it better than you... I was falbbergasted when I heard the news, really...
and lamanya hang tak blog?

Mior Azhar said...

wait, could it be a Rosmah factor here? Ye la kan org nak jadi First Lady, kenalah do what they do best , sucking up

Anonymous said...

Shah Rukh Khan doesn't regard this 'Datukship' important for him making time to go to Melaka and accept it from the Malaccan Yang Dipertua Negeri. He don't even know where Melaka is. Might have lost his way. This Datukship is a joke. No value, no dignity. It's a disgrace. Rampant waste of rakyat's money. AliKetam dgn Dato Shahrukh Khan kan sekapai. Shame on both the 2 Malaccan cartoon.

I SAY MAN said...

There goes the chance to secure votes for the Dep.President for Ali Ketam. A good leader must be seen to be brilliant, not moronic. Must looked clever although nothing upstairs. Ali Ketam failed both ways. Maybe Dato SRK can take you to Bollywood as a Comedy Actor. You got talent as one. I've yet to stop laughing since the news.

tokasid said...


Melaka is already a laughing stock. And we Melakan had been laughing for almost a decade now.

tokasid said...

Pak Mior:

Long lay off coz laziness kot.Heh3.

I heard Salman Khan is hoping to get a Tan Sriship if Mr Rosmah become the next PM.

tokasid said...


This is not the first time Melaka gave Datuk to someone who will get lost in Melaka.Few years back, my classmate got Datuk coz he contributed some votes for Ali to become the Naib Presiden UMNO.
Another friend who was to take this new Datuk for the conferment called me,asking how to get to the Seri Negeri. He and the new Datuk doesn't know to to get there. That just show what type of contribution my classmate gave to Melaka.

tokasid said...

I say man:
I can vouch that the malaccan cartoon is empty up there.

As for the deputy post, we will have to wait and see if UMNO delegates are idiots or not. If this CM gets to become Deputy Pres and DPM, we Malaysian should mourn.