Datuk Shah II :controversy

Now this Datuk Shah thingy had become a controversy and exposing the stupidity and idiotic nature of certain groups of leaders in Melaka.

We read in todays news, a statement by CM Ali Rustam: Shah Rukh Khan(SRK) was given the Datukship for his 'effort' in promoting Melaka with his film few years ago which was shot at A Farmosa in Alor Gajah.

Now if that is the reason, what about the other actors and actresses in that particular film? Don't they deserve the datukship too? And the director and producers?

And if you guys remember, Entrapment, starring the legendary Sean Connery and the talented and beautiful catherin Zeta Jones,were shot in Melaka too and that film did well in the box office throuhout the whole world.

This conferment of Datuk to SRK is plain double standard practised by the Melaka state government.

Here are two more conversation that was leaked but not printed by the MSM.

One: a phone conversation between 2 Khans in Mumbai yesterday.

Salman Khan(SK): Helloooo...Shah Rukh. How are you?

SRK: I'm fine. Who is this?

SK: Salman here.

SRK: Salmam? Which Salman? Salmam from Malaysia or Indonesia?

SK: Deiy!! Salman Khan here.Your greatest rival man.

SRK: Ohh...Salman Khan. You my greatest rival? Hahah...like the Malay saying: jauh panggang dari api.

SK: Whats that? Sounds like some menu. Anyway I want to congratulate you with the datuk thing you got from Melaka.

SRK: Oh,thank you.Actually I don't understand all this Datuk thing . And I don't know why I got it. And I don't think I deserve this.

SL: Actually Shah, I think I deserve it more than you do.

SRK: Why?

SL: Look here... few years ago I was the one on stage kissing the cheek of one soon-to-be First Lady of Malaysia.Not you. It was me. So actually I am the one who should get the Datuk title.

SRK: Whats the big deal of kissing some VVIP's wife cheeks? I can kiss more outstanding personalities anywhere. And by kissing here did you contribute anything to Melaka or Malaysia?

SL: Its like this la Shah. When people knew I kiss that lady, I'm sure many foreigners esp from India will want to visit Malaysia with the intention of kissing some Ministers' wives. But now I'm hoping to get a Tan sriship if the VVIP become the next PM of Malaysia. me a Tan Sri and you just a Datuk. Hahaha....I beat you to that.

SRK: Deiy Salman. Don't talk big okay. You see, the [erson who gave me the Datuk is contesting for Deputy President of his party soon. If he wins, he will become the next Deputy PM and he can give me a Tan Sri too. No need for me to kiss some elderly lady who thinks whe is still a teenager.

SL: But you dn't know if he will win or not.right?

SRK: Nothing to worry. Tomorrow I will start shooting a film about his contribution in Melaka and Malaysia.I hpe to rope everything within 2 weeks and will release it in Malaysia by 1st November. This film will make him a clear winner.I know Malysian UMNO will love this guy coz I'm playing him.


Two: New York press conference with Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta Jones.

Press: Mr Connery and Miss Jones. We want your reaction about the Melaka state govt conferring Datukship to the Bollywood hearthrob Shah Rukh Khan.

SC: What about it?

CZJ: Yeah what about it?

Press: The Melaka Chief Minister, Datuk Ali Rustam said, STK was given the title Datuk is for his contribution in promoting Melaka to the world especially India.

SC: How did he do it?

Press: Well the film he made in Melaka was a hit in India so the Melaka CM said it made many Indians visit Melaka.

CZJ: What is a Datuk actually?And are you sure the Indians went there for a tour? I heard they went to Melaka to work in the Nasi Kandar restaurants there.

Press: Its a title given by the govt to certain individuals. But when I look up the English-Malay dictionary it actually meant Grandfather.

SC: Oh, so this Khan made a film in Melaka and he got the Granfather title? I wouldn't want that title even if they beg me. Anyway, Miss Jones, we to made a film in Melaka right?

CZJ: Yeah...it was the Entrapment. I remember Melaka with its filthy river.

Press: So you guys don't feel bad not getting the datuk?

SC: Why should I? I was offered the lordship with the title Sir by Great Britain, and I decline it.

CZJ: Yeah, why should we? And who is this Ali the CM ? I nly know their Primiere the one many Malysian called Sleepy Flip-flop.Whatever that means.

SC: Okay guys,that will be all.

Datuk Shah

Malacca's latest glamourous Datuk: The Khan

Its been a month since I last wrote something in this blog. Some thought its due to Ramadhan. Some thought I had some terrible ilness. Some thought I was busy( hahaha....). Some thought I went off for some holiday or umrah. Maybe some might think " Dia ni pi kawin sorang lagi kot??"

The truth : I became plain lazy after my streamyx became very slow.Much slower than a sleepy tortoise. Then there was another glitch m my PC at home cannot detect my router( only after Hari Raya Hafiz made the connection directly via the modem not the router we are able t use the PC.But we can't have the wireless for our notebook. Need to buy another router it seems) and I became tired listening and reading and watching the ding-dongs of our political beasts. Initially I thought I won't write for a week.Then it became 2 weeks.Not its almost 2 months.

I did make a few draft during Ramadhan.Most are for the Terkenang semasa dulu slot.

But a sms from my sahabat made me write this pieee . Its a bit rusty and might not have any punchline.If you need good punchlines, our dear Che'gu KTN is the best.

Few nights ago at 1.00 am, three guy were having teh-tarik and roti Naan at a Nasi Kandar oulet in Melaka.All three were using shades to hide their identities.

That night, there were a large number of people there especially the white-shirted Pemuda guys looking tense after debating fiercely whom to nominate for the Pemuda chief post.

Several waiters(imported from Chennai) immediately knew one of those 3 guys with shades at 1.00am.

Wiater 1: Bacha! Dey...look,look...(pointing his finger to the 3 guys)

Waiter 2: What? Yenne....

Waiter 1: Shah rukh Khan laa....Shah Rukh Khan come here laa....

Waiter 2: Yes...you are right.Lets go and greet him.And we can tell ur folks in Chennai we met the Khan.

The three guys have taken a table for themselve at the far end of the Nasi Kandar outlet and when they saw the 2 waiters approaching them they make a stop signal and indicating they were not to be disturbed.

Chow Yuen Fatt(CYF): Shah! Why you ask the waiters to turn away? Aiya...I very thirsty one mah...

Johnny Depp(JD): Yeah, Ah Fatt is right.I'm thirsty too. They say the teh tarik here is fabuolously delicious.We should call them back.

Shah Rukh Khan(SRK): No...not yet laa guys. See ah...those guys are from India so they will know me.Before you know it everyone will come to us.Lets have some privacy first laa....

JD: Okay you got a point there. So shall we order our drinks then?

SRK: Easy one . I know the captain's number so I'll sms him. What do you want?

CYF: I want a big teh tarik.Tell them I want tea from Darjeeling, not Cameron Highland one. And I want Cheese tosei.

JD: I'll have teh tarik too and 2 pieces of Naan with muttom curry.

SRK: Okay.I'll sms now. Anyway, what are you guys doing here in Melaka?

JD: Oh! Me and Ah Fatt? You see my dear fellow, both of us are filming the 5th instalment of Pirates of Carribeans: The Malacca Bastard. .I'm back as Capt Jack Sparrow and Ah Fatt as Capt Sao Feng. And what are you doing here Shah?

CYF: Eh Shah, you got shooting also ah?

SRK: Actually, I was invited here my The Melaka govt.

JD: Invited? What for?

SRK: Johnny boy...I'm shy to tell you and Ah Fatt laa....

JD: Come on here,be sporting to us Shah.

SRK: Actually the state govt is confering me a datukship for the Govenor's birthday bash this Saturday.

CYF: A what? Datukship? Hey how come you can get so easily one? I've been trying for many years and still nothing.

JD: What's a Datukship? Is it a ship like the ne we use in Pirates?

CYF: No...not that ship Johnny boy. Its actually a title given by a state or royal house to certain individuals during a king's or Sultan's birthday. Or a governor's.

JD: Oh I see. Just like the English giving of their lordship I suppose.

SRK: Yes...its something like that.

JD: Good for you Shah. How did you manage to get it?

CYF: You must have contributed something that benefits Melaka Shah.

SRK: Beats me guys. I am not sure why I will get this datukship. I have never stayed in Melaka. I know no one here. My only contribution is maybe Malaccans like to watch my movies.

JD: Hey!Hold on there. Me and Ah Fatt is also well known in Malaysia.Our Pirate movies was a big hit here.

SRK: Thats what I meant guys.I have done nothing for Melaka. But I heard someone said this: You know why Shahrukh Khan gets the Datuk? Because many in the state government are grateful to SRK.Why? Because most of the Datins like watching SRK's movies.And when they get emotional they don't care what the Datuks do.So most Datuks are grateful for the have ample time to 'roam' around,if you get what I mean".

JD: Hmm...that guy got a point there.Hey Ah Fatt.I think we should go into romantic movies or tearjerkers.Then maybe we can get datukship from Melaka.

CYF:No need la Johnny. ver here in Malaysia if you got money u can buy a datukship.Thats what my Malaysian and Singaporean friends told me. No need to contribute anythingJust give them money and is done for. Shah, did you use money t get the Melaka datukship.

SRK: Deiy!Ah Fatt. Yu think I'm like that ar? That datukship doesn't mean anything to me outside of Malaysia, not even in India!

JD: Maybe we should as Michelle Yeoh how to get datukship.What say you. Hey!What's this funny smell? Someone farted. Hey,Ah Fatt,did you fart?

CYF: Cilaka lu Johnny boy. Not me laa....

JD: Hahaha....I thought its you coz you are Mr Fatt,right?

Wanna some laugh on the same subject? See what Fudzail have for you.

Ramadhan kembali: Perkara yang perlu di ketahui

Salam untuk semua. Alhamdulillah kita bakal bertemu dengan Ramadhon mulai Isnin ini 1 Oktober 2008. Bulan yang paling istimewa bagi umat Islam, iaitu bulan kebaikan. Bulan Ramadhon adalah bulan yang dipilih oleh ALLAH kepada umat Muhammad s.a.w. dan tidak pernah dipilih kepada umat-umat sebelum ini.

Hakikat Puasa

Hadith :

Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda yang maksudnya:"Puasa itu perisai dan benteng yang membentengi dari sentuhan api neraka." Riwayat Ahmad dan Baihaqi

Secara umum ada beberapa kategori manusia di bulan Ramadhon:

1-Muslim yang berpuasa tetapi masih bergelumang dengan noda dan dosa. Malah ada jugak yang langsung tidak berpuasa( dengan sengaja). Tanpa segan silu, siang atau malam mereka lakukan maksiat. Apabila ditegur atau di nasihati,pandai pula mereka naik marah.

2-Golongan yang hanya berlapar dan dahaga sahaja kerana mereka telah melakukan perbuatan keji seperti mengumpat, bercakap kotor dan lucah etc. Puasa mereka mungkin sah, tetapi tidak ada nilai di sisi ALLAH. Ada juga yang jadikan Ramadhon sebagai peluang menjamu selera sehingga membazir( apa lagi kan pasar Ramadhon banyak kat tempat kita). Ada pula yg ambil peluang berjaga malam, tetapi bukan utk baca Quran atau zikir atau bermunajat tetapi menyambung aktiviti melepak di warung hingga waktu Subuh!

3-Golongan yang berpuasa dan menjaga segala larangan dan adab berpuasa. Mereka menjaga perkataan dan perbuatan mereka. Mereka membuat kebajikan seperti bersedekah,membaca al-Quran dan solat malam.

Persediaan menghadapi Ramadhon al-Mubarak:

1-Berazam utk bertaubat dan menyerah diri pada ALLAH serta melahirkan cita2 utk mengimarahkan bulan Ramadhon dgn amalan soleh.

Firman ALLAH dalam Surah Toha ayat 82:

Dan sesungguhnya Aku yang amat memberi ampun kepada orang-orang yang bertaubat serta beriman dan beramal soleh, kemudian ia tetap teguh menurut petunjuk yang diberikan kepadanya.

2-Memanafaatkan Ramadhon sebaik mungkin,mudah-mudahan bermula sehingga berakhir Ramadhon akan menambahkan kebaikan dan kesan mendalam dalam diri kita.

3-Mengambil peluang untuk sucikan diri dan membuat perubahan agar kembali taat dan mengingati ALLAH.

4-Sentiasa mengaungkan Asma al-Husna(nama-nama ALLAH) dan menghayati maksud setiap nama tersebut.

5-memperbanyakan zikrullah seperti membaca al-Quran,bertahmid, bertasbih bertakbir dan seumpamanya.

6- memperbanyakan doa-doa pada waktu yg afdal:
(i)-waktu hampir berbuka puasa
(ii) waktu antara azan dan iqamah
(iii)-Satu pertiga malam terakhir iaitu ketika waktu sahur.

7-Memperbaiki akhlak kita dan sentiasa sabar dengan karenah manusia.

8-Ramadhon adalah bulan keampunan.Celakalah sesiapa yang tidak mendapat keampunan pada Ramadhon.

PUASA: dari segi syarak bermakna~ menahan diri dari segala makanan dan minuman bermula dari terbitnya fajar(Subuh) sehingga tenggelam matahari(maghrib), di sertai dengan niat.

Rukun Puasa:

1-Niat. Seperti semua amalan ibadah puasa mesti disertai dgn niat pada malam harinya(untuk puasa wajib). Niat itu di hati, ianya gerak hati kita hendak melakukan sesuatu amalan. Jumhur ulamak tidak mensyaratkan lafaz niat.

2-Imsak: maknanya menahan diri dari makan dan minum bermula dari terbit fajar(Subuh) hingga tenggelam matahari.

3-Islam,baligh,berakal dan berkemampuan.

Perkara yang membatalkan puasa:

1- Jimak-puasa terbatal dan wajib mengqada' serta di kenakan kiffarah(denda) mengikut turutan(dalam hadith riwayat Abu Hurairah ra di dalam Sohih Bukhori dan Muslim)

(i)-membebaskan seorang hamba yang beriman( zaman sekarang tiada lagi perhambaan)
(ii)-wajib berpuasa selama 2 bulan berturut-turut dan tidak boleh di selangselikan. Jika tertinggal maka di lakukan semula selama 2 bulan berturut-turut jugak.
(iii)-Jika tidak mampu berpuasa 2 bulan , hendaklah memberi makanan kepada 60 orang miskin.
( nota: Kaffarah adalah yg pertama dahulu,kalau tiada hamba maka wajib yang kedua, jika tidak mampu( kerana zakit atau uzur) barulah boleh yang ketiga)

2- mengeluarkan mani dengan sengaja(pada siang hari bulan ramadhon)- puasanya terbatal dan wajib mengqada'kan pada bulan yang lain. Tetapi jika air mani terkeluar di sebabkan mimpi, tidak batal puasanya( kerana itu bukan atas kehendaknya atau perbuatannya).Org itu hanya perlu mandi wajib dan teruskan puasanya.
( suami isteri yang bercumbu atau memeluk isteri tetapi tidak keluar maninya, puasanya tetap sah)

3- Makan dan minum secara sengaja( sedar dan ingat dia sedang berpuasa). tetapi jika tidak sengaja atau terlupa dia puasa( eg tidur petang, bila bangun dia tak ingat dia puasa,lalu makan. Tapi ketika makan dia teringat dia puasa atau ada org lain menegur, dia mesti terus berhenti makan/minum dan teruskan puasa)

4-Muntah dengan sengaja( eg jolok jari dalam mulut sampai muntah). Jika tak sengaja,puasa nya sah dan mesti teruskan puasa.

5- haid dan nifas.

Perkara yang diharuskan ketika puasa.

Ini adalah keringanan yang diberikan oleh ALLAH kepada hamba-hambaNya.

1-Bersiwak/gosok gigi.

2-Berbuka bagi musafir,orang sakit dan sesiapa yg tidak mampu.

3-berkumur-kumur atau memasukkan air ke dalam hidung, tetapi hanya sekadar menghilangkan debu dan kotoran dalam mulut dan hidung.

4- Merasa makanan(taste..not eat)- selagi hadnya tidak sampai ke halkum.begitu juga masaalah berkaitan ubat gigi.

5- Mandi dan basuh kepala utk menghilangkan kepanasan dan dahaga.( hadith riwayat Abu Daud)

6- memasukkan ubat ke telinga atau mata.

Sunnah dan Adab berpuasa:

1- Berdoa ketika melihat anak bulan.

2- Sahur

3- Melewatkan sahur

4-Meninggalkan kata-kata keji dan perbuatan jahil

5-Tidak membalas cercaan atau makian.

6- Tidak di benarkan berbohong( riwayat al-Bukhori)

7-Bersedekah. Nabi s.a.w. banyak bersedekah pada bulan Ramadhon.(hadith riwayat Bukhori)

8- membaca al-quran. Dalam hadith riwayat Bukhori: Jibril a.s. menemui Nabi saw setiap malam di bulan Ramadhon dan Nabi saw memperdengarkan bacaan Quran kepada Jibril a.s.

9-Melakukan Umrah(jika mampu)

10-Menyegerakan berbuka puasa.

11-Memperbanyakan doa sebelum berbuka

12- Berbuka puasa dengan Rutab, tamar atau Air( ikut turutan itu,mana yg ada): ini yang sering Nabi saw lakukan.

13- Segera mengerjakan solat Maghrib.

14- Berbuka secara sederhana( ini yang ramai kita tak boleh buat)

15-Menjamu orang yang berbuka puasa.

16-Mengerjakan solat tarawih.

17-Berusaha mendapatkan Lailatul Qadar.

18-Beriktikaf pada sepuluh terakhir Ramadhon.


Tentang fadhilat berpuasa boleh baca apa yang telah di blog oleh Pak Mior.
And some nice artwork tentang fadhilat Romadhon di sini.

Beberapa link tentang puasa (boleh baca ketika menunggu iftar atau menunggu sahur atau selepas berterawih:

1-E-book tentang kemusykilan puasa Ramadhon dan berkaitan puasa.

2-Berhati-hati hadith palsu tentang fadhilat solat Terawih.

3-KEUTAMAAN DI BULAN RAMADHAN

4--KEUTAMAAN IBADAH PUASA

5--FADHILAT BERPUASA DI BULAN RAMADHAN

6-SAHUR UNTUK BERPUASA

7-Adab-adab berbuka puasa menurut Sunnah Rasulullah S.A.W.( SS Mufti Perlis)

8-ANCAMAN BAGI ORANG YANG MEMBATALKAN PUASA RAMADHAN DENGAN SENGAJA

9-PERKARA-PERKARA YANG WAJIB DIJAUHI OLEH ORANG YANG BERPUASA

10-Kemudahan Dan Keringanan Ketika Berpuasa

11-Tidak Mengapa Dilakukan Oleh Mereka Yang berpuasa

12-Perkara-Perkara yang membatalkan Puasa

13-Sunnah-Sunnah Di Dalam Berbuka Puasa

14-Mengqadha’kan Puasa



Semoga Ramadhon tahun ini akan memberi perubahan yang baik kepada kita semua. dan semoga ALLAH menerima puasa kita dan Mengampunkan segala dosa-dosa kita. Ameen Ya Rabb.

Oii munafik!! Nak marah,marah lah.

Munafik- bila berjanji tidak di tepati. Atau lebih tepat lagi berdusta secara terang-terangan.
Si munafik ada di mana-mana saja. Apalagi zaman canggih ini.Hidup kita di kelilingi kemunafikan.
Aku sendiri pernah bersifat munafik rasa-rasanya.

Tapi bagaimana bila pemimpin tinggi negara secara terangan-terangan bersifat munafik?
Seingat aku sudah banyak kali si munafik ini berdusta atas janji-janji yang di keluarkan dari mulutnya sendiri.

Masih ingatkah sewaktu kempen PRU 12 bulan Mac 2008 dulu.Si munafik ini berkata harga petrol/diesel tidak akan di naikkan sehingga hujung tahun ini. Selepas pilihanraya harga bahan bakar ini melonjak sehingga 41 peratus dan si munafik mengeluarkan kenyataan untuk justify kenaikkan,

Terbaru, di Permatang Pauh pada 16 Ogos 2008, selepas penamaan calon pilihanraya kecil si munafik berkata:

BN tidak eksploitasi kes liwat dalam kempen Pilihan Raya Kecil Permatang Pauh,

(sila lihat lapuran the STAR 17 ogos di sini)

Tapi apa yang di lihat selama seminggu yang lalu,isu liwat itulah yang menjadi modal utama kempen. Setiap malam di ulang tayang video clip 'sumpah' oleh Saiful baik di Permatang Pauh malahan di kaca TV terutama TV3. Dan pemimpin munafik membiarkan saja ini berlaku walaupun beliau telah berjanji tidak akan menggunakan isu 'liwat' oleh BN.

Kalau itu bukan kemunafikan.....

Sememangnya pilihanraya kecil Permatang Pauh ini kotor.Paling kotor. Lebih kotor dari Ijok.
Dan kita dapat melihat karektor orang-orang yang terlibat dalam pilihanraya ini. Kita lihat bagaimana serangan peribadi di buat tanpa henti dari segenap penjuru untuk mendapat kuasa.Kita lihat bekas penyokong setia kini menggigit sahabat lama. Lihat saja apa yang Ezam dan Nalla buat di Permatang Pauh.

Lebih kotor lagi bila kes mahkamah di bawa ke medan pertempuran politik. Tidakkah ini menghina mahkamah yang memang telah hina ?

Kita lihat bagaimana 'mangsa liwat' mengizinkan dirinya di telanjangi di Permatang Pauh. Setiap hari setiap malam.Tak tahulah apa yang hendak atau dapat di banggakan bila 'aib di jaja kesana ke mari.

Dan kita lihat di Permatang Pauh, sumpah sudah menjadi rendah nilainya di mata manusia. Kita lihat si munafik bersumpah dan mencabar orang lain bersumpah. Di Perak bekas MB,Tajol Rosli jugak bersumpah dan mencabar MB Mohd Nizar turut bersumpah.

Aku sedang menunggu samada Samy Vellu akan turut serta dalam acara sumpah menyumpah ini. Atau mungkin Nalla jugak akan bersumpah pernah 'di lewat' ?Atau Ezam juga mungkin mahu bersumpah atas apa saja alasan terhadap Anwar?

Aku cuma bimbang ramai nanti akan di sumpah menjadi sumpah-sumpah akibat terlalu gemar bersumpah.

Pingat Emas Olimpik: Terlepas sejuta RM

Salam to all.

Many of us probably saw last night how our No 1 shuttler Lee Chong Wei was brought down to earth from the Heavenly Kingdom by the Heavenly Kingdom's ace ,Lin Dan.

Many Malaysian have high hopes for our badminton team but unfortunately our team is always at their element. That is letting us down.Again.

Credits to Chong Wei for he did manage reach the final stage of the tourney.But last night he went down in 39 minutes! And he was bullied in court by Lin Dan. It was like a national player against a sekolah kebangsaan kid.

But you and me whats gonna be the excuses from BAM,right?
Try this: Lee Chong Wei was under tremendous pressure when 99% ofthe crowd was cheering for Lin Dan.
True!What do you expect when he is at home ground. Our players used to have homeground advantage but still failed.

Or this: Chong Wei was tired because of the gruelling semifinals.
And as if Lin Dan and the others didn't have to sweat at all.

Anyway,isn't the RM 1 million big enough a carrot for Chong Wei? Do you think the Chinese govt promised 1 million yuan for their gold medalist? Or Ethiopia promised the same numerations to their long distance runners?

Our shuttlers have the skills just like the Chinese or the Indonesians or the Danes. But one thing we do not have: Mental strenght to fight when under pressure.We've seen it before.We saw it last night.We will see it again.

Sorry Chong Wei, you miss the RM 1 million offer.
But actually I'm glad you lost.Really!I'm not joking.
You save RM 1 million of rakyats money.

But unfortunately we still have politicians to rip that off from us.