Tuesday, September 18, 2007

He abused me during Ramadhan

foto by tokasid

When I arrived this morning,they were in the waiting room. The three of them. Sisters. They just sit on the chairs silently. Three pairs of eyes focusing on the floor. Or are they scrutinising my floor? Whatever.

I gave salam to an elderly couple. The husband raised up his head and nodded. A gentle smile came about his old mouth and he answered my salam: "Wa'alaikumussalam doktor..."

I went in, put my sling bag down, switch on my PC and feed the fishes. At least all of my fishes are still alive and swimming in both aquariums. The Ikan Semilai( fighting fish) was extremely graceful today.

Then I asked my staff to call the first patient.The three of them came in. The sisters. I let them take a seat each. The one who wanted to see me sat near my table on my right. The 2 sisters sat across by table,facing me. Gloomy faces,the three of them. Sad faces.Anxious faces. Angry faces. Fearfull faces. All these expressions these sisters have.

Sister 1. My patient, seated on my right.Her name is FA. I didn't get sister 2 and sister 3's names.

Sister3: Doc, tolong cek kakak saya satu badan.

I looked at FA. There was sadness and fear in her eyes.
TA: Apa kena dengan awak?

FA kept quite but took out a piece of paper from her handbag and handed it to me. I unfolded it.
It was a police report. While I was going through the report, FA poured out:
"Doktor.....Sabtu lalu suami saya pukul dan cekik saya".

My eyes was still on the report but my ears picked up every single word she said. Yes its written in the report, which she made in Putrajaya yesterday. Her husband( 8 years younger than she is) allegedly had slapped her, choked her with both hands and kicked her in the butt.

TA: Boleh cerita pada saya ?

FA noded and continued:" Hari sabtu lalu, 15 haribulan,malam...suami saya marah dan maki hamun saya macam-macam. Kemudian depan mak dia dia tampar muka saya dan cekik leher saya doktor. Mak dia marah-marah dan kata dia anak tak guna masa tu. Di lepaskan leher saya dan tendang saya kat punggong. Esok pagi dia terus maki hamun saya lagi. Saya tak tahan dah doktor. Saya terus pergi ke airport dan balik ke semenanjung..."

TA: "Balik semenanjung? Dia pukul awak ni di mana?"

FA: " Kami tinggal di Sabah doktor. Lepas kahwin saya pindah ke Sabah ikut dia. Ni bukan kali pertama di pukul saya doktor. Dah selalu sangat tapi saya masih bertahan. Kat kaki dan paha saya banyak parut sebab di simbah air panas. Kat paha kiri ada parut di buat saya dengan sterika panas. masa tu kami bertunang baru..."

She showed me those scars. Yes,there was a triangular scar similat to the tip of a hot iron.

FA: "Saya terus balik ke Melaka jumpa keluarga saya. Semalam saya dah pergi buat polis report di Putrajaya. dan semalam adik saya bagitahu dia datang ke rumah mak saya doktor. Saya takut sangat ni..."

Sister1: "Memang doktor...dia datang semalam. Jahat dan ganas betul laki adik saya ni. Dia orang Bugis"

I looked up to Sister 1 and told her: " Dia buat macam ni bukan sebab dia orang Bugis. Tak elok awak kata macam tu. Orang Melayu,orang Jawa, orang Minang, orang Cina,India pun ada yang macam ni"

Sister 1: " Tak doktor.....err...kami pun orang Bugis jugak..". She was apologetic now.

TA:" Perkara ni berlaku kerana dia memang jenis panas baran. Mungkin sejak kecil dia dok tengok perkara suami pukul isteri ni selalu sangat...Dia ni ada sakit jiwa sikit ni...satu lagi dia ni tak faham apa tanggungjawab dia sebagai suami.kalau dia faham dia tak akan buat begini pada isteri dia"

I then continued to examine her. I look for any signs of recent abuse and old scars and documented. She was having her menses,so she's not pregnant.
FA wanted me to write a medical report. She wanted to make an official report to the Pejabat Agama. She had decided to file for fasakh. She knew she had taken so much abuse from him and she refuse any of it anymore. And she is also asking for an immediate transfer to teach back in semenanjung.

I wrote the report and took some photo to go along with the report.
I never ask her what was it that made him became abusive to her.

Kandungan posting mungkin ada kena mengena atau tidak dengan makhluk yang hidup atau yang telah tiada.Kalau sapa-sapa terasa nak buat macamana kan. Sapa makan cabai melaka dia pedaih laa


elviza said...

Salam Brother TA,

If I may add something to your readers out there, I would be most grateful.

In the event of abuse, one should lodge a police report. Even if, chances are, the police is not going to do anything as this is classified under domestic violence offences.

However, these reports must go on record and hence expedite any claim one wishes to file in the future.

Domestic violence is a matter of choice. I am sure she has good reasons to stay in the marriage or to be married to that monster in the 1st place. Be that as it may, no one can physically hurt you unless you let them.

Especially for repeat offenders.

Love isn't violence. Love and marriage is about tolerence and cooperation. If a marriage lacks these elements, for me, it wasn't even a love union to begin with.

Counsellings and help centers are a plenty in Malaysia, I think my office keeps few of the flyers from NGOs to help these abused women. What important is, you must reach out. Reach out for help.

Err, sorry TA, I really can't stand this kind of abuse - provoked or otherwise. It ain't gonna solve anything.

Thanks for the space.

Selamat berpuasa


salam Dr
penderaan atau keganasan rumah tangga sering berlaku kepada pasangan tertentu. samada dari segi emosi, fizikal, seks dsb. adakalanya berpunca dari seorang, adakalanya berdua dan adakalanya campurtangan pihak ketiga. tetapi yang saya tak boleh terima ialah, kenapa perlu dipukul sebegitu rupa. nak bakar, nak tikam, humban dlm kolam, cucuh dgn puntung rokok dll. bab isteri, macamana suami ambil dulu, dah tak suka, hantarkan saja balik ke rumah mak bapa isteri itu.
saya nampak 'ngo' dalam bidang ini kurang pengetahuan undang-undang, tak berani, tidak aktif, kurang berperanan - dalam membantu.

dalam banyak hal, ego si lelaki ini mengatasi kedegilan wanita.

sepanjang yg saya tahu, akta keganasan rumah tangga 1994 yg mempunyai banyak kelemahan pula sudah dibawa ke peguam negara untuk dipinda.
harap-harap tu, terbelalah dgn maksima mangsa keganasan ini nanti.

Kata Tak Nak said...

What it is that she could have done does not warrant this kind of inhuman treatment.
How come kalau masa bertunang pun dia dah buat pompuan tu jadi iron-board, pompuan tu buleh terima dia lagi? Saya tak salahkan pompuan tu, yang saya salahkan ialah she should not have waited for too long. As for that man, bukan jantan la kalau nak pukul pompuan.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


no matter whatever reasons he may have, it does NOT give him the right to whack anyone, let alone his own wife. i mean, hey, pick someone your own size, dickhead!

u know what doc, bila benda2 mcmni terjadi, terfikir betapa susahnya saya nak mintak permission nikah anak orang. padahal saya boleh gerenti 100% saya tak akan tendang terajang isteri saya tu. hehhe...

but its true. kebiasaannya, org atas kerusi roda ni jugaklah yg selalunya kena reject dgn keluarga pihak pompuan. 'tidak mampu' sebagai alasan standard.

pala hotak diorang.

mokk said...

salam mamat..

kenapelah masih ada manusia yang amat kejam?
Kalau dah tak suka,atau sayang dah tiada...lepaskan isteri secara baik-baik.Itupun kalau dah tak dapat dirundingkan lagi.

Mamat..kalau dia orang dah buat repot polis..normally Lapuran Perubatan mesti drp M.O kerajaan.Kita buat record just incase.

tokasid said...


FA is not the first case that came to me. At present she is the 2nd case filing for fasakh.

FA is a graduate teacher and her hubby is a SPM holder( bukan nak kecik2kan SPM holder) and he is younger than FA. While they were engaged, when he first stamped her left tigh with the seterika tip,she came to see me. She tried to cover up for him and justifying his brutality. I told her 2 years ago: Belum kawin dia dah buat awak macam ni. Kalau kawin lagi teruk dia kerjakan awak.Are you sure you nak kawin dgn dia?

FA said she's hoping he will change.Unfortunately he didn't and she continued to be his punching bag.

I also had a bank clerk whose hubby became abusive when she found out he kawin lari in Golok with a GRO.He had since divorced the GRO wife.But now he becomes suspicious of his wife and now accusses her of having a boyfriend pulak.

I do not know about other Jabatan Ugama in other state. But my patients told me the JAIM in Melaka sucks. Whenever they go for counselling, the counsellors( ladies esp) will normally rundown the wives. They usually blame the wives: Awak ni tak pandai jaga laki kot.....

But to file a divorce they need a lawyer, so they don't have to go through those "Awak tak pandai jaga laki kot..." process.

Maybe in Klang Valley there many support groups/NGOs ready to help these abused wives, but I don't think we have any here.

I have also seen wives who are willing to withstand abuses for the sake of maintaining the marriage.

And I have also seen a husband who is receiving verbal abuse from his wife daily. All he can do is cry inside and carry a prententious smile.

For most domestic violence cases I will ask them to file a police report and a report to pejabat Ugama. This they'll do and suprisingly, some hubby behaved well after the police report.

FA and the bank clerk doesn't deserve this kind of treatment from their spouse. And a lot of other women doesn't too. many suffer in silence.

Thank you sis.

Fauziah Ismail said...

Salam Tokasid
Sometimes I don’t understand women. Two women in my family withstood abuse but continued with their marriage. A cousin was slapped and pushed down the stairs of her double storey house by her husband in front of their four children. An aunt continues to support her jobless husband (he was a teacher but quit to go into business but it failed and he didn’t work after that) for years (isn’t that considered abuse too?). When I asked them why they continue to stay in the marriage, both told me the same thing. “What do you know? You’re not married.”
Well, yes, I’m still single but if I was married, I would not stay in a relationship where I would be stripped of my dignity.
It takes the first slap. Then another. And it will snowball into something bigger. You’re lucky if you don’t lose your life in the process.

tokasid said...


Tentang punca kes FA saya tidak bertanya lanjut kerena waktu itu sibuk dan mereka bertiga hendak segera ke pejabat ugama. Selalunya saya akan bertanya sebab dan akan beri nasihat kpd yang mengadu pada saya.

Tapi melihat kesan parut di kaki2 FA saya tahu suaminya jenis brutal.Ketika mereka sedang bertungangpun dia pernah cederakan FA dgn sterika panas.

Malang bagi FA kerana dia sanggup berpindah ke Sabah kerana menurut kehendak suami. Di sana, dengan tiada saudara-mara untuk mengadu, FA menanggung tekanan dan pukulan. Kejadian 15 Sept is the last straw that she can take.

Harapkan pagar,pagar makan padi
Harapkan suami, suami pukul isteri.

tokasid said...


Aku pun tak faham jantan yang suka pukul bini. Sikit2 nak pukul.Sikit-sikit nak terajang.

Jenih ni selalu garang pada bini dan anak2 saja. Dengan org lain mungkin dia jadi kecut teloq kot.

Kalau ikut hati, nak suruh saja bini-bini ni ubah kaki pukul suroh tibai jantan2 korang hajaq ni.

de_kerinchi said...

Salam Saudara Dr. tokasid,

Saya tak faham orang lelaki yang sanggup pukul perempuan malah ada yang mendera budak-budak....Mungkin sakit jiwa atau hendak tunjuk kuasa. Ia banyak bergantung faktor kejiwaan..nilai kasih sayang itu sangat penting diterapkan dalam kekeluargaan...

Kalau dalam lokap atau jel ada beberapa kes yan akan dibelasah oleh penghuni penjara atau lokap,iaitu :

1) Curi Motor
2) Rogol dan liwat
3) Penderaan wanita dan kanak-kanak.

Kalau orang lokap dan jel pun pandang hina orang macam ini apatah lagi kita orang biasa..cuba bayangan...ni kira jenayah paling low class pada kaca mata banduan....jadi para bakal penjenayah.. elakkan buat jenayah bodoh ni...

Ingatlah.. Kalau kita kuat ada orang lebih kuat....Kalau kita bijak ada orang lagi bijak...jadi sentiasalah pandang kebumi ...sebab yang dilangit tak mampu diri insan hendak meneroka...

tokasid said...


The sad thing about FA was that she alloewd herself to be abused by her husband for so long. When she was abused while they were engaged she didn't tell her family for fear of the engagement will be nullified.And she was hoping that he will be a changed man after marriage.

As for OKU getting married, I know our society have a problem with that. They have thousands of assumptions about OKU(esp wheelers like you) capabilities in so many aspect. That is a problem with our society(Malays esp)..we like to assume about others.

What is important, she likes you and her family can accept you as you are. What other ppl wants to assume is their biznez. lantak ke depa kerp!

tokasid said...


Itu lah...bila ada bini di pukul-pukulkan. Kalau dah tak suka let her go,senang cerita kan. Tapi mungkin laki dia pikiaq kalau let her go,dia tak dak punching bag lagi ko?

kalau nak buat kes terhadap domestic violence memang kena med check-up kat sepital gomen. Tapi kalau sekadar nak lapur ke Pejabat Agama atau Kadhi, lapuran GP pun boleh. Aku pernah di panggil untuk beri keterangan tentang medical report yg aku buat utk kes pukul bini dan bini mintak fasakh.

tokasid said...


You wrote-Sometimes I don’t understand women. Two women in my family withstood abuse but continued with their marriage.

Could it be :LOVE?
If its love , I think its the weirdo kind of love.
Or maybe to avoid embarassement that comes along with a divorce?
Or maybe some women just tolerated it because she wanted the family unit intact for her childrens' sake.

Fauziah, maybe you could assign one of your journo to dig into this subject thoroughly. If that is possible. For I find these willing victims in the Chinese and Indians too.

These abusers are actually bullies.You got it right. There is the first slap on the face. Ah! She didn't fight back. Then there will be choking, punching, hammering her head to the wall,beating her with the broom, pouring hot water/drinks 'accidentaly' on her and the list goes on.

These 'biol' men who abuse their wives need to be taught a lesson and need psychiatric help. They are sick.Big time.

tokasid said...

Saudara de_kerinchi;

Memang benar, lelaki begini sakit jiwa sebenarnya. mereka bukan sahaja perlu di hukum malah juga perlu di beri rawatan sakit jiwa.

Mereka melampau kerana mereka tahu isteri mereka amat takutkan terhadap mereka.

bakaq a.k.a. ~penarik beca said...

Barang dijauhkan Allah sejauh-jauh aku jentik sekalipun bini aku! Tolonglah, ya Allah! Saya tak nak macam tu, ya Allah!

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


this may come out of nowhere but saya ada something nak cite sikit la, if u dont mind can i hv ur email?

IBU said...

aduh... sampainya hati. ke takde hati? bukan ke suami tu pelindung isteri dan keluarga? hmmm....

p/s kalau geletek tu kira abuse jugak ke? :)

tokasid said...


Semoga kita tak baran macam tu dan tak jadi pemukul isteri.

tokasid said...


No hal. my e-mel:


tokasid said...


Lama ibu tak update blog ibu. Sibuk kot.

Memang suami sepatutnya kena melindungi isteri dan anak2 di samping tidak melupakan tanggungjawab sebagai anak jika parent masih hidup.
Itu lah amanah yg ALLAH letak di atas bahu suami.

Tapi kalau suami macam ni....ntah lah ibu.

ps-geletek boleh di anggap abuse jika isteri tak suka tau..

cakapaje said...

Salam Doc,

Waktu kurang sihat hari tu, I just did not want to read anything serious. Now, alhamdulillah, I'm getting much better...

Memang marah baca kes camni, but there's also an offender of the mental kind where the wife tak dapat prove anything. Kesian wife, in both cases.

Daphne Ling said...

Hi Doc,

I'm glad she walked out, and that she's got sisters who are there to support her...I personally think family support is most crucial after a trauma...

Glad she walked out...

Am also glad she's not pregnant...Do they have kids? I hope not...

By the way, wanted to let you know Adrian has gone home (Eh, I haven't told anyone yet...You're the first!)! He is walking slightly and all, although still very weak...But he's home!

Selamat Berpuasa Doc...

tokasid said...


Alhamdulillah you dah sihat.

Cases of domestic violence and wife/child abuse masih ada.Banyak yang tak dilapurkan.

tokasid said...


Yes finally she had the courage to walk out .She is lucky she had her family to turn to.No she doesn't have any children yet.

Its good to know Adrian had been discharged.Make him gain his confidence and he'll recover faster. And tell him do not give up with physioRx.

Mat Salo said...

Power citer ni, DocTA...

Sometimes we just don't understand what motivates humans...

Maybe it is LOVE.


PS Sho jugak dengar tales from the locum ni ya.?

tokasid said...


Bro, patient ni baru tadi datang jumpa aku, so aku tanya sedikit sebanyak dari dia. I will make a part 2 of her story soon.

Hang balik Raya bila?