Monday, August 20, 2007

Berita dari Koboi Tua: National Corruption Day

UPDATED: Just now a teacher came to see me. We talked about the Friday evening when PM came to Melaka to officiate whatever it was for the Hari Kemerdekaan. I was in KL. But what I saw in the news, it was something grand and Melaka CM was smilling ear to ear.

Last week, came out a circular from Jbtn Pendidikan Negeri, ordering all teachers in Melaka Tengah to attend that function. All. No excuses. The teachers were asked to report in(initially) at 6.30pm( attendance will be taken). Few days prior to the grand ceremony, they were told they need to reprt in at 6.30pm and then again at 7.30pm( so nobody ponteng after reporting).

Then it was changed to 7.00pm and 8.00pm. Suddenly the Jabatan wanted pupils to go too. So most schools in Melaka Tengah had to send students esp those staying in the hostels( just imagine some from out station had bought tickets to go home).

One such school was SM Teknik Bukit Piatu. All students were not allowed to go home( hostelites and non-hostelites) and were 'quarantined' at school. They were told 7 buses will take them to Padang Pahlawan at 6.30pm.
But at 6.30 only 3 buses arrived. Only students from outstation were taken to the Padang. The locals( hostelites and non-hostelites ) were allowed to go home( after 'quarantined since 1.00pm).

That was just what happened in SMT Bkt Piatu. I have now news about other schools yet but I'm sure it was the same....


Salam to all.
I got this in my e-mail few days ago after the officiating of Bulan Kemerdekaan by PM Pak Lah in Melaka. I wasn't in Padang Pahlawan on that day. I was in KL.

This e-mail was sent by one Koboi Tua ( am not sure whether the Koboi himself is old or his horse is old). I've heard this name before but can't put my fingers where. But he got my e-mail address, so he must be someone I knew.

Anyway, what he wrote is a good read for our forthcoming Hari Kemerdekaan.
Happy reading and commenting.( I will have to wait for Koboi Tua's instruction about the comments)

MALAYSIA CELEBRATE CORRUPTION DAY
20th August 2007.
Kuala Lumpur

The Goverment of Malaysia after having failed to reduce corruption as was planned by the Prime Minister DS AAB, after last general election, decided to declare 30th August as National Corruption Day,yes ,you read it here first ...NATIONAL CORRUPTION DAY on 30th August everyear and its another public holiday.


The brilliant idea was mooted by KJ for AAB to regain the financial cloud of Finance Ministry which was much battered after multitudes of mind bogling bailouts in the calm financial years.It is believe that it would calm the international investors for the many corridoors and five foot way that were planned by The Goverments in the coming years,as it would make the corruption more transparent.


Mister KJ ,being a squeky clean young turks in UMNO was interviewed in his mother new bought by cash five million ringgit Astana in Damansara Height ,last month ,was so proud that his idea first mooted two months ago had received all round acceptance in ruling party last week meeting.The Information Chief of UMNO seconded the idea and in the opinion that the idea is worth his undivided support thus all UMNO members are expected to do the same.UMNO he said certainly deserve the accolade heaped upon her with this award ceremony and the annual event would in a way, recognise the contributions by UMNO past present and future leaders.


"They could have taken more than what was known to rakyat, but due to their patriotism,sense of duty and selfless selves they ,even without being told,restrain themselves from emptying the whole year budget.Its about time the rakyat thank and honor these individuals and agencies ,lest we forget",added Tan Sri.



"I could have taken more, marry more and smuggle more but who am i but one mouthed man,one phalliated and of poor english grammer self ?" Said Tan Sri in a crowded pressroom with everyone oohing and aahing with his newfound vigour in english speeches.
" Let it be known, The New Mike is coming home !!! ,an obvious swipe to Raja Petra , a wellknown blogger so critical of him.He received standing ovation.



The speech by The Information Chief in English was delivered to the press room to coincide with the announcement after the Cabinet meeting today.



Seeing that the corruption is so deeply rooted and enjoyed by Malaysian from all walks of life ,the Goverment has taken initiative to have it as an annual affair a day before Independence day and describe it as a just means to justify the ends,which is to provide a transparent governace and civil society.In so making each year corruption is all tabulated, added up and taxed accordingly, thus the one who would benefitted the most would be the rakyat themselves.Every year is a new year and the goverment would be able to monitor the index of corruption and act upon it accordingly.



"Mr KJ with one flash of idea in a way contibute to another money saving idea to the goverment",added The Information Chief.
" Such a great mind on a young shoulder this Mr KJ ,as the Badan Pencegah Rasuah would be redundant and the big building ,the current office, would be turn into Pusat Untuk Negara dan Evolusi Korupsi" , said Tan Sri.


Ed:
Centre for Nation Corruption Evolution (the name was suggested by Tan Sri Muhammad himself) P.U.N.D.E.K for short.



It was agreed with uninamous vote during the cabinet meeting yesterday which was chaired by Dato' Sammy Vellu in the absence of Prime Minister and DPM (as he was the most senior minister and least corrupt).The celebration of the event would culminate with the announcement of names to be honored .Those who manage to gain the most from corruption from the last election would top the list and awarded the medal of honor which carry the title KK for Kepala Korupt (rough English translation DISTINGUISHLY CORRUPT HONORABLE SELF).They would be pardoned enmasse and able to retain all the wealth without any prosecutions.Basically they can take home scot free,much to relieve of every concern citizen of Malaysia.



"This brilliant idea by AAB albeit KJ had received wide support from the public as it is only fair after hearing so much of it ,the public is invited to honor and celebrate the cunning and foxiness of the nominees for future generation to emulate ",claimed Mr KJ.



"Some of the honored KK were self taught and their modus operandi certainly deserve to be catalogue and written in the journal or annal of KK for reference of future KK wannabes.As the saying says the future generation would stand tall in th field of Corruptologist of the world as they would be standing on the shoulder of giants ie. present nominees" ,said Mr KJ.



To commomerate the event the Bukit Jalil stadium has been booked for the event with massive stage set up to accommodate all recipients .



This reporter with the privilege of insider information manage to obtain the list of those front runners vying for various category.



The Best Corruption By The Head Of Dept Award


JPJ Boss Of Trg ..caught by ACA and Jais


Best Corruption Award By Goverment Agencies(Catg. Natural Disaster).

The Pipe Department Of JKR


Best Corruption Award By Public Listed Comp(Catg. Magic/ Special Effect)

ECM Libra


Best Animated Corruption By GLC Award

(Catg. Gold RM One )
Proton


Best Corruption Involving Road ,Waterway or Public Utility Award

Lebuhraya Damansara Pucong


Best Corruption Award In Computer Category

Lab Computer Fiasco Dept


Best Corruption By Political Party Personnel Award

The Klang Gang and UMNO Warchest Keyholder and CEO


Best Corruption Award Using Nature Assisted Device

Monsoon Cup Trengganu


Best Corruption Award For 5 Tingkat Buildings and Below

Tingkat Empat Oxford Boys Gp


Best Corruption Award For 5 Tingkat Buildings and Above
Rip Van Winkle from 5th Floor


The Best Corrupt or Anticorrupt Agency Award
Badan Pencegah Tak Rasuah



Best Corruption Using Hard Object(Cement and Piling) Award
MMR 2


Best Individual Sequel /Rerun KK Award
The UMNO Information Chief

Best Corruption Award (Catg. Stunt Double)
Koperasi Nelayan Pulau Lumut
Best Corruption Award (Catg. Costumes/Special Vehicles)
Taxi Licensing Board

Best Corruption Using Goverment Agencies Award
The nominees are:
PDRM
JPJ
Municipal Council of Klang
DVD Enforcement



The Best Corrupt Practice Of The Year
Klang Free Port Fiasco.



The stage was all set up ,from one end of the stadium to another.The UMNO members would be admitted free to support the recipients and all UMNO related events would be suspended to focus solely on this first celebration.



Dato' Samy Vellu,as the Chaiman of The Organising Comm. for the event in his word ,had this to say,
"Saya ammatt bbangga kerna inilah julung2 kali dunia dalam satu masyarakat majmuk Malaysia sama2 angkat diri naik tinggi tammmpa peduli apa orang kata kalu ,saya kagum dengan keberanian Perdana Men tri dan saya selalu dan selama lama belakang dia duduk tannpa mana mana pergi"



Translation:
"I ,whole heartedly support the brilliant and brave idea of our PM in leading the plural society of Malaysia"


Need you need more reason to be proud of our super achiever leaders? Tickets available on demand .Normal Price RM7.50 Black Market RM12.00.

Report by Koboi Tua.

TA: I publish this without editing or altering the report mailed to me.

Kandungan posting mungkin ada kena mengena atau tidak dengan makhluk yang hidup atau yang telah tiada.Kalau sapa-sapa terasa nak buat macamana kan. Sapa makan cabai melaka dia pedaih laa

26 comments:

waterlily said...

Salam Doc,
Pada pandangan saya, report ni sungguh sinikal. Siapa la si Koboi Tua ni? Doc TA, bagus sungguh repot ni - tak takut ke para "pembesar" & "tuan muda" tu mengamok nanti. Tapi itulah kenyataan - rakyat sedang memberontak manakala mamak bendahara kita masih dok tiduq lagi - terus -terang la saya cakap - stiap kali mamak bendahara tu berucap,saya cuba untuk mendengar sampai habis. Tapi saya tertidur juga. Lain la kalau Tun M dulu -ucapan belajawan dia pun saya dengar.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Best Corruption Using Goverment Agencies Award
The nominees are:

PDRM
JPJ
Municipal Council of Klang
DVD Enforcement

hihi...doc, this is what i like best. MPK should win hands down. terang lagi bersuluh. sape tak nampak dia bukan buta mata, tp hati.

tokasid said...

Waterlily:

Yes bila saya terima dan Koboi Tua minta saya post kan ke blog saya tau ini sesuatu onservation yang sinikal terhadap apa yg berlaku di negara kita. Memanglah pembesar dan hulubalang akan upset kalau baca, tapi mereka juga perlu tahu ada org lain juga upset, seperti Koboi Tua. Malah kalau kita lihat di blog politik lagi sinis daripada Koboi Tua.

Dr M is a good orator sebab tu org boleh dengar ucapan dia. Tapi saya ni tak boleh nak nilai Mahathir sebagai pemimpin yg baik secara keseluruhannya. Ada ucapa nbeliau terhadap Islam yg tidak boleh saya terima kerana bercanggah dgn aqidah ASWJ.

Ttg posting ini kita kena tunggu Koboi Tua beri response.

tokasid said...

Kerp:

Betoi tu bro. Tapi aku rasa kalau Koboi Tua make a longer list tentu banyak lagi. Tapi memang kalau MPK memang sahih menang hands-down. Yg lain tak terkejar. Tu yang kita tahu ttg MPK. yang kita tak tahu?

Anonymous said...

fabulous. ada sideshow ka? best pondan award ada? award to be presented by UMNO INFO CHIEF?

blackpurple @ jowopinter said...

Salam Tok,

Sinkal. Sarkastik. Saya suka!

Raden Galoh said...

TA.. Harapnya dengan report sinikal ini, para pembesar negara, mengambilnya sebagi satu cabang lontaran suara rakyat yang tidak berpuashati...janganlah terus melatah. dengarlah dgn telinga yang peka, bukalah mata hati depa tu...rasai rintihan rakyat ni...if marah selami api kemarahan rakyat...alahai...

Nak Tak Nak said...

Corrupt of the Year:
The nominees are, 4th floor, Sungai Siput, Kuala Kangsar, Peace Hill. And the winner is .... drum roll.... yes, we have multiple winners this time.

E said...

bilammana saya sudah abis baca ini posting yang mana ianya telah tammpa mengambilkira manna manna individu yang berkenaan t'lah dapat meng-iburkan dan s'kaligus boleh dibawa ke perbincangan masyarakat majmuk kita di malaysia ini dan juuga, walaupun ini mungkin boleh dijadikan sebagai bahan dakwaan bahwa ini summa adalah satu kerja pembohongan sebagaimana yang t'lah di dakwa oleh sesetengah golongan, maka ... bla bla bla


translation :

I likeeeee :p

tokasid said...

Salam all:

semua komen akan di ulas oleh Koboi Tua bila dia baca posting dan komentar2. Katanya akan pulang pada Rabu atau Khamis kot. Sekarang dia di Texas membuat filming film: The corrupt, the Corruptor and the Corruptee.

de_kerinchi said...

Salam Saudara Dr. Tokasid

Ini merupakan Taktik lama yang diguna pakai...dah basi... malulah...ni bukan zaman wayang pacak lagi..tiada cara lain ker nak tunjuk penyokong...cuba hendak mengkelabukan mata rakyat agar menganggap mereka semua serba baik dan serba bagus..ehehehee

Tapi awat bekas bendahara selangor dok asyik melalak sekarang ni. macam nak buat come back ajer cari pengaruh balik ker.....dah cuci tangan ke...,ingatlah sejarah kotor sang bendahara masih terpalit di ingatan rakyat yang waras..

tokasid said...

e :

saya rasa awak boleh minta jadi itu speech writer samma itu Men tri kirja hari raya jugak.

saya ada baca awak ada kommen ikut itu stail Mintri juga. Ada bamnnyakk itu persammaan jugak.

Translation; lawak hang kaw!

tokasid said...

Anon:

Award for pondan?? Mungkin tahun depan kot. Koboi Tua kata tahun ni award corruption saja pasai kita sambut 50 tahun kemerdekaan.

tokasid said...

de_ kerinchi:

Saudara..saya jugak terkejut bila guru tu datang ngadu pada saya 2 minggu sebelum upacara. saya kata biar betul? Dia kata betul, siapada circular.

Ada pelajar2 di pilih utk buat tarian masa acara tersebut.Kebanyakannya dari form 2 dan form 4. Selama 2 minggu budak2 ni kena berlatih dari jam 5ptg hingga 12 mlm. Guru2 bergilir tugas hantar dan ambil students ni. Ada students yg letih sampai waktu pagi tidak ke sekolah tapi dtg petang utk latihan tarian. They got RM100/= each.

bagi saya acara2 bagini kalau nak kena buat pun, tak payah paksa kakitangan kerajaan pergi. takpayah paksa murid pergi kibar bendera.
Sesiapa yg nak pergi, pergi lah. kalau nak ramai suruh JKKK bawak org kampung pergi. Jangan di abuse kakitangan dan murid sekolah.

Yang tak sedap dengar, bila ada guru tanya nanti kami nak solat di mana? Antara jawaban yg mereka terima: Itu awak punya pasal. Fikir2 lah mana nak solat!

Apa punya organiser macamni? nak sambut PM sampai tak peduli kewajipan paling utama Muslim.

elviza said...

Salam TA,

Oh, how cynical. Teruja minda saya sekejap.

Lama tak tinggal comment, baca jer, sebab ala2 busy sikit sekarang...jgn kecik ati yer...

Take care

AFRAR YUNUS said...

salam Dr
tu dia ehh. seingat akulah, jika award tahunan ni mula dianugerah, akan ada ramai rakyat malaysia yg berkata, 'canggih puak tu. tengok mana ada orang lain yg boleh buat macam depa. kita sokong mereka". dan puak korup yg pi ambik medal ke piala pusingan tu dgn bangganya mengalih ke arah penonton (rakyat) dan berkata, "hampa bangang.kami buat apa pun hampa sokong. mangkok macam hampa patut ada untuk kami teruskan kegiatan kami"
masyaAllah.

Mior Azhar said...

Hillarious, tok.
About the stupid pelancaran of kemerdekaan, why am I not surpised?

tokasid said...

Elviza:

How are you doing sis? How's your BP? Is it under control?

Our friend Koboi Tua can be cynical if he is upset. I know he's upset for a long time and had taken the right moment to let off his frustrations with corruption in the country.

Don't worry sis, I tak kecik hati.
Take care( esp your BP).

tokasid said...

Afrar:

Saudara ku. Dulu aku ada buat posting yg Melayu ni ada 3 kategori yg berlainan antara Melayu Malaysia,Melayu Spore dan Melayu Indon kat sini:

http://tokasid.blogspot.com/2007/05/melayu-umpama-burung.html

tokasid said...

Mior:

Memang ttg pelancaran tu kalau tak kaut semua kakitangan dan org kampung tak sah. Macam depa takut kalu tak buat gitu nanti tak dak org langsung yg datang.

Sebab takut,depa paksa saja suruh datang.

bakaq a.k.a. ~penarik beca said...

Weiii! Idup balik mung! Guane lame dok dengo cerite! Koboi tua! Mu kene tulih sokmo-sokmo. Mu jangang bagi kami sunyi, tertanye-tanye!

demonsinme said...

Melord TA:

Forgive me to have dared to ask of this -

would you grace me with a visit to my humble place, and honor me with your thoughts.

Share with all if there are wisdom to gain.

Blame me if its a nonsense trouble to start, and treat me as if I am a sour tart.

Again, forgive me for the leisure that I asked you to part.

Because I am a man who is certainly not smart.

Thank You.

tokasid said...

Bakaq:

Aku dah bagitau koboi tua suruh menulih semula.

Fauziah Ismail said...

Salam Tokasid
Koboi Tua is stating the obvious in writing.

tokasid said...

Fauziah:

you got that right sis. Koboi is monitoring this particular posting. I do hope he will blog again. Otherwise his posting will be through mine. Have a nice weekend.

Anonymous said...

Dear Tokasid,

First and foremost,TQ for publishing my article.

Thanking all commenters for their kind words

The satire was written aimed at 3 groups of people that exist in
Malaysia,namely:

A: The Corrupt Politician

The leaders who preached transparency,patriotism and unrelenting
fervor of selflessness in service to 'Bangsa,Agama and Negara' ,are the
very leaders who steal,swindle and ransomed the peoples' money which
were meant for the underprevilleged and destitutes amongst us.In so doing
,without an iota of guilt feeling,these leaders expected respect and
standing ovation of admiration from all of us.The idea that the respect
is earned rather than forced upon us certainly escaped their frame of
thoughts.Their stupidity certainly desrved to be laughed at.

B: The Populace That Adore these Leaders.

The jokes certainly on this group of people who without any apparent
benefit except for constant reminder that the public utilities
delivered to them is given out of generousity of the leaders rather than their
right as any Malaysian.They would adore the very ground that these
leaders walk on.The little Napoleons certainly does not belongs in this gp
as they benefitted from their symbiotic existence with these
leaders.In their eyes these leaders are faultless and 'maksum'.

C: The Last group.

The cruelest joke and laugh is heaped on this third gp consisting of
you,fellow readers of blog ,knowlegable public and certainly this Koboi
Tua.The haplessness and disgust to the whole situation and glaring
gungho of the half past six leaders in taking all of us for a ride is so
frustrating and infuriating.....thus the joke is on all of us.

These fuming anger and angst of mine got to find the route of least
resistance,writing an article like this soothed me a bit .For that I
have no apology.

KOBOI TUA